Animal Rights

[Flowers]

I have a lawsuit where the attorney on the other side is a lady who does estate planning for cats.

You may begin.

[Kalle]

Well, cats are cuter than most humans. I say let them vote.

[Hawkeye Fierce]

...estate planning for cats.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

[Nick Walter]

I have a lawsuit where the attorney on the other side is a lady who does estate planning for cats.


Is she a loony-toon or has she just found an easy way to make money off of loony-toon clients?

[Drastic]

Feline estate planning is a pretty niche profession. I understand that it has perception problems because there's really no standards or certification or licensing involved. Anyone can just declare themself a cat estate planner.

Still, if you're having difficulty finding work, it's something anyone can do with barely any resume padding. Rub some catnip over your resume, and they'll go crazy for it.

[Glenn]

I have a lawsuit where the attorney on the other side is a lady who does estate planning for cats.My wife works at a super high-end specialty veterinary clinic and has seen a couple of animals that are, I guess, technically millionaires. Strangely, they are ALWAYS cats.

Also, only tangentially related, they once had a limo pull up and stop in front of the hospital, blocking like four handicap spaces. No one gets out. Twenty minutes pass. No one gets out. Someone goes up and taps on the tinted window for the driver, window rolls down, and one of those combination chaffeur-slash-general purpose thugs leans out the window and says:

"Go around and open the rear door. I told them I wasn't going to hold the door for that thing."

So they go around, open the door, and what hops out?

THAT'S RIGHT, JAMES BROWN'S MOTHERFUCKING POMERANIAN.

No, really. It needed a checkup or something.

[Athryn]

I thought this was going to be a thread about Moby's failed experiment into heavy metal.

[ElGuapo]

But you can't serious leave money to a cat, right? You have to leave money to a trust, or to someone, under conditions that they take care of the car . . .

Animals are not legal entities, therefore cannot own property. And they can not be the trustee in a trust. Right? Right?

[FIDGAF]

I have a lawsuit where the attorney on the other side is a lady who does estate planning for cats.


You're joking right? Estate planning for cats? Anything to make a buck I guess.

Are we talking Morris-Caliber cats?

[Moore]

My wife works at a super high-end specialty veterinary clinic and has seen a couple of animals that are, I guess, technically millionaires. Strangely, they are ALWAYS cats.


Dogs are terrible at managing their wealth.

[Charles]

Dogs are terrible at managing their wealth.

It's cause they gamble it all away.

[Ephraim]

It's cause they gamble it all away.

Yeah, all that poker playing...

[Flowers]

For your bemused perusal, I have enclosed a link to their website here. (http://animallawassociates.com/law.htm) I believe that the first bullet point should entertain sufficiently. Of secondary amusement should be their willingness to enter litigation concerning shared custody of companion animals, mostly in contrast to their unwillingness to entertain similar disputes, involving human children.

As Monsignor Guapo did point out, there are certain legal loopholes and minor complexities that make leaving money to President Mister Mittens VI totally impossible. The legal issues are, of course, separate from the fact that leaving money to a cat is totally retarded.

[Ben Sones]

You're joking right? Estate planning for cats? Anything to make a buck I guess.

I suspect--and maybe Flowers can confirm this--that the service she provides is to set up a trust and/or legal arrangements for the care of your pet after you have died. I don't think (and again, I may be mistaken, but I seem to remember reading this somewhere) that pets are not something that can typically be handled by a regular will.

I know it's easy to immediately assume "what a bunch of kooks--estate planning for cats!" But I don't think it's particularly kooky to want your pet taken care of, rather than being carted off to a shelter and put to sleep, after you die.

[Hawkeye Fierce]

Sure, but that's estate planning for you, not for the cat. The cat is property, and thus part of the estate. The disposition of said property is well within the realm of any normal estate planning attorney.

[Flowers]

Yeah, all that poker playing...

Uninterestingly enough, it is my opinion that the fine artwork that is, "Dogs Playing Poker," has an intellectual pedigree that stretches back as far as the short lived Italian sensation, the influential painter Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio. From the powerful interplay of light and dark elements to the subject matter itself, "Dog's Playing Poker," acknowleges its owner as a discriminating gentleman who is not afraid to challenge societal conventions on high art like the master himself.

[Mark Crump]

I do not get the Estate Planning and Bailment ones? Is that so you can bail Spot out of the pound?

[Flowers]

I suspect--and maybe Flowers can confirm this--that the service she provides is to set up a trust and/or legal arrangements for the care of your pet after you have died. I don't think (and again, I may be mistaken, but I seem to remember reading this somewhere) that pets are not something that can typically be handled by a regular will.

I know it's easy to immediately assume "what a bunch of kooks--estate planning for cats!" But I don't think it's particularly kooky to want your pet taken care of, rather than being carted off to a shelter and put to sleep, after you die.


Actually Ben, this really is about leaving your money to your cats. Establishing a dummy corporation or creating a trust with a bank or relative as trustee and Francois DeCuddles Beckincourt Orange is how you do it. Except that Princess Berries in the Morning has no ability to hire an attorney or file a complaint for the mismanagement of the assets that were meant to serve as the corpus of Fluffy's trust.

It's not kooky to want your cat not to be taken down with a claw hammer before your body is cold, but leaving your 401k to a fucking feline is out of bounds.

[Ben Sones]

All right, fair enough--that is a little kooky.

[ElGuapo]

Leaving ANY money or property to your pet is insane. That said, I would feed my dog (if I had one) every day, and probably not go out of my way to feed the homeless guys downtown.

I say, be like the ancient Egyptians, and have the pet buried with you, even if it's still alive when you die. Forced mummification 4Lyfe!

[Athryn]

Leaving ANY money or property to your pet is insane. That said, I would feed my dog (if I had one) every day, and probably not go out of my way to feed the homeless guys downtown.

I say, be like the ancient Egyptians, and have the pet buried with you, even if it's still alive when you die. Forced mummification 4Lyfe!

Actually, the Ancient Egyptians didn't actually do that. They had separate burials for animals, depending on what sacred city it was. However, one of the things they did at the temple of Bastet was allow you to donate money to have a cat taken care of for burial, and they would go take one of the cats and bash it's skull to kill it before mummification and burial. It wasn't universally practiced however. (Yes, I actually read an entire book on the subject. :P )

They had several different religious city/temple places devoted to different animals, and they mummified crocodiles, dogs, cats, and they've even found a mummified elephant.

[bloo]

Please, tell me you get to depose the cat.

[Enidigm]

I need to dig out that Soviet propaganda cartoon, that despite being made as propaganda for their internal consumption in the 70s, describes the Evil Americans as letting millionaires' fortunes be inherited by dogs, then said dog becomes the toast of the town and trend setter (ala Paris Hilton), then goes on to become a Senator on his inherited money (ala Bush, Kerry, and the rest).

I was thinking "You're all evil bastards, but when you're right you're right".

[Hanzii]

I thought this was going to be a thread about Moby's failed experiment into heavy metal.

It was Moby's failed attempt to get back to his punk roots, actually...


And I'd love to be the curator/butler of some fatass millionaire cat.

[Mark Crump]

I need to dig out that Soviet propaganda cartoon, that despite being made as propaganda for their internal consumption in the 70s, describes the Evil Americans as letting millionaires' fortunes be inherited by dogs, then said dog becomes the toast of the town and trend setter (ala Paris Hilton), then goes on to become a Senator on his inherited money (ala Bush, Kerry, and the rest).


Are you saying Paris Hilton is a dog?

[SlyFrog]

Are you saying Paris Hilton is a dog?

We know for fact she takes it like one.

[Flowers]

Leaving ANY money or property to your pet is insane. That said, I would feed my dog (if I had one) every day, and probably not go out of my way to feed the homeless guys downtown.


Well, in defense of that, you would know your dog, you would know that, even though he pisses and shits in your house like a hobo, he can't take your furniture and sell it for a crack party. Both hoboes and dogs give lots of sloppy kisses, smell funny and will only take their heads out of your garbage can if you startle them, so there is that. I would say that it is the hobo's ability to open cabinets that truly sets him apart. Nevertheless, if the Gene Hackman docudrama, "Extreme Measures," is to be believed, experimenting on homeless people is somehow against the law in one way or another. Most likely because of the tax implications, although I am not sure, as I am not a tax attorney.

I do take pride in the fact that, here in America in 2007, we have finally crossed the threshold of pompous hedonism, by not only treating pets better than people, but by mandating that they be treated better than people and handing out stiff penalties to people for infringing on the rights of animals. Poor people, as embattled as they may be, can be cooly tossed from their homes to make way for a shopping mall or new highway. Try to throw a horned owl out on his ass, and you will be mired in red tape and picket signs for the better part of a decade.

To me, this is a beautiful thing. It truly demonstrates the power of our society when we can arbitrarily assign great value to things which are of negligible benefit to the group, and everyone has to play along. I suspect that in earlier, less civilized times, there may have been entirely too many dissenters from the concept that swamps were gorgeous. Thankfully, those people are dead now.

[Squirrel Killer]

...powerful interplay of light and dark elements...
AKA: Chiaroscuro. Or in this case Chihuahuacuro.

[Flowers]

Holy crap. (http://pet-abuse.com/cases/32/WI/US/)

I was poking around on that site looking for stuff, and holy crap.

[Squirrel Killer]

Holy crap. (http://pet-abuse.com/cases/32/WI/US/)

I was poking around on that site looking for stuff, and holy crap.
So your innocent client wasn't so innocent after all?

[olaf]

Jesus christ man I could have gone without seeing that link. Its just a TAD different from your first one in the thread.

[Flowers]

So your innocent client wasn't so innocent after all?

No, that guy is in an entire other part of my state. Also, that case is from 1997. Just stumbled on it, so, you know, wow. That's pretty bad. I am astonished that the reporters were able to write the story without referring him as, "heir apparent to Ed Gein, Barry Wayne Herbeck."

[ElGuapo]

He further admitted to police that he committed "(edited: totally gross, disgusting stuff)" after he killed the cat around Valentine's Day 1997.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Edited so it's not so stomach churning. Reminds me of the guy from The Preacher.

[Squirrel Killer]

No, that guy is in an entire other part of my state. Also, that case is from 1997. Just stumbled on it, so, you know, wow. That's pretty bad. I am astonished that the reporters were able to write the story without referring him as, "heir apparent to Ed Gein, Barry Wayne Herbeck."
Don't worry, we all know that just because your client has an unsavory prior or a kitten skeleton in his closet doesn't mean he mutilated that corpse.

[Flowers]

Don't worry, we all know that just because your client has an unsavory prior or a kitten skeleton in his closet doesn't mean he mutilated that corpse.


Well, what I meant was, how long do you think it would have taken before he graduated to humans? I think the over/under line out of Vegas on this one sits at about, what, say, five days? Christ, he was fucking those cats like they came in a sixpack.

[Patrick]

If I read that right, He is back walking the streets again.

[Lloyd Heilbrunn]

I have a lawsuit where the attorney on the other side is a lady who does estate planning for cats.




Good money, each cat needs 9 plans....

[FIDGAF]

After reading that I"m convinced that some people should just be killed on sight, fuck the trial.