A funny story to lighten the mood... [Archive]

Murph

07-25-2002, 09:49 PM

This happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey.

A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"

"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, she asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.

The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.

However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic.

Totally straight-faced he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day."

Murph

07-25-2002, 10:08 PM

Makes sense. I didn't necessarily believe it to be true as told. Didn't really know if it had any basis in truth. I'd never heard it before, and thought it was funny, so I decided to share.

DennyA

07-25-2002, 10:08 PM

Aww, geeze, Murph, you've lived a sheltered life, haven't you? :-)

I first heard that story in 1983, when a classmate INSISTED it had happened in Honors Biology class the year before, and even named the girl who supposedly said it.

And the punchline isn't:
>Raising her hand again, she asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

It's...

"Then why does it taste so salty?" she asked.

Which is much funnier.

Sorry. Not to put a downer on the mood you're trying to lighten, but this one's right up there with knock knock jokes on the moldy scale. :twisted:

See also:
http://www.snopes.com/college/sex/salty.htm

wumpus

07-25-2002, 11:25 PM

Don't make me start another poll.

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 06:45 AM

Murph, you've been victimized by an Urban Legend - which is actually not near as bad as having a bad case of Wumpus. There's a great website on the subject somewhere (Chick knows it) and I recommend a graphic novel called The Big Book of Urban Legends. Amazon should have it, I think. Hilarious stuff and it'll let you turn the tables on whomever told you the Harvard story. In fact, it's amazing how many stories we take to be true turn out to be Urban Legends.

That movie sucked btw.

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 06:48 AM

Oh, here's another one:

On the Newlywed Game the host asks the naive young wife:
"Where's the strangest place you've ever made whoopie?"
She answers
"In the butt"

Always thought apocryphal, turns out it's true. They actually showed it the other night on some Game Show special on the old TV. (No joke)

Anders Hallin

07-26-2002, 06:59 AM

They're just urban legends because they happen all the time :)

Tyjenks

07-26-2002, 07:11 AM

I remember hearing it supposedly happened at my high school back in 1985.

Thanks for the attempt though, Murph. Today she would sue the Professor for sexual harassment. Then sue the guy who's liquid manhood she swallowed for making her fat.

Tom Chick

07-26-2002, 07:37 AM

Gordon Berg tells me he was in a class where the 'then why does it taste salty?' thing happened, but then I called him on it and then we wrestled in a manly way and I emerged victorious. I think this is what led to him losing interest in flight sims.

www.snopes.com is a good starting point for sniffing out urban legends. They have a searchable archive. Jan Brunvalt's books (I presume this is what Bub is talking about) are kind of quaint now, but they're also a good starting point.

One of my favorites is the Coriolis effect urban legend about water going down the drain in opposite directions depending on which side of the equator you're on. Most people have heard this and assumed it's a scientific fact, but you can easily debunk it in any household with a couple of sinks and toilets.

BTW, I've long since learned not to debunk urban legends around people you don't really know, like at a party. It's kind of asshole-ish to disabuse people of those sorts of things.

-Tom

Matthew Gallant

07-26-2002, 07:50 AM

The version I heard involves an in-hospital testimonial from Rod Stewart and Jon Bon Jovi and a stomach pump.

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 08:02 AM

www.snopes.com is a good starting point for sniffing out urban legends. They have a searchable archive. Jan Brunvalt's books (I presume this is what Bub is talking about) are kind of quaint now, but they're also a good starting point.

Yes "The Big Book of Urban Legends" is by Jan Brunvalt. They're fun because they have funny pictures to go with them. (Some of them are really funny.) My favorite UL, because I believed it, was that one about Gangbangers driving around with their lights off at night. Some poor (white) sap would flash their brights at them and the bangers would chase down and kill him (it was a GANG INITIATION!).

The Coriolis Effect is a UL? Really? I learned about that in freaking Earth Science class. Aha, Googled it myself. You are correct Chick... thank god we didn't have to "manly wrestle".
http://www.usatoday.com/weather/wcorioli.htm

Tom Chick

07-26-2002, 08:15 AM

The Coriolis effect is real, but it only applies to weather patterns. The rotation of the earth causes weather on one hemisphere to swirl in a clockwise direction while weather on the other hemisphere swirls in a counterclockwise direction. Small systems like sinks aren't effected.

I like to think I have a pretty good antenna for calling bullshit on urban legends, bad statistics, apocryphal stories, stuff like that. A friend of mine recently tried to show me some stats that proved a certain occupation was the most hazardous type of job you could have. I think he said it was truck drivers, or something like that. When I didn't believe him, he went online and found all sorts of conflicting information about what jobs have the highest risk of death: cabbies, park rangers, convenience store clerks, stuff you'd never guess. I never found out what the real answer is, but I've since heard a few of those 'world most dangerous jobs!' claims kicked around.

I also love the scary warnings like Bub's gangbangers who kill you for flashing your headlights. Same with razor blades in water slides and candy apples at Halloween. The warning to travellers about scams for stealing laptops at X-ray machines at the airport is another good one like those, but it only appeals to geek love of gadgets rather than any issues of personal safety. But it's not like we need urban legends to appreciate how scary the world is.

-Tom

Chris Floyd

07-26-2002, 08:20 AM

Here's a much more important question than "Why doesn't it taste sweet?":

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_054.html

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 08:25 AM

The gangbanger one also prays upon that old standby, fear of another race. "Of course those scary gangbangers would kill you for just being helpful!" Which is why I was ashamed to have bought it - I mean, it clearly isn't a logical thing to do, even for gangbangers.

The razor in the apple story may also be a UL Chick, but it has happened. Just last Halloween in Milwaukee. Now which came first, the UL or the nutcase imitating the UL?

I'm also going to rise to your bait and claim that someone has probably had a laptop stolen off an X-Ray thingie at a crowded airport. (I'm only so sure because that would be certainly be easy to do. Last time I was at LAX my laptop went through a full 5 minutes before I did. It could have been long gone by the time I caught up to it. So I can see that UL rising from a single story, the UL probably claims it's COMMONPLACE and RAMPANT)

I always thought the most dangerous job was game reviewer. Isn't Eidos still trying to kill you Tom?

Tyjenks

07-26-2002, 08:55 AM

I always thought the most dangerous job was game reviewer. Isn't Eidos still trying to kill you Tom?

Beware of software companies bearing fruit baskets.

Tom Chick

07-26-2002, 09:01 AM

The important thing to realize about urban legends is that they aren't necessarily untrue. They are more characterized by the way they're spread than their veracity.

Having said that, I'd like to hear more about your razor in the Halloween apple actually happening. Why would anyone do that? You'd almost certainly be caught. This was in Milwaukee?

As for the laptops, I don't doubt they've been stolen. But I do doubt that there's an organzied scheme to do it at airport X-ray machines, as the FAA warned. There are much easier ways to steal laptops with less risk of getting caught.

The gangbanger one also prays upon that old standby, fear of another race.

I don't know that it's racial so much as 'gangbangers are evil'. But I guess gangbanger does imply Hispanic.

One subtly racial one is about the black guy in the elevator who says 'Hit the floor' and the white person think she's being robbed. I think the most popular variation has the black person being a famous entertainer (most recently Eddie Murphy) who generously compensates the embarrassed white person.

-Tom

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 09:26 AM

Having said that, I'd like to hear more about your razor in the Halloween apple actually happening. Why would anyone do that? You'd almost certainly be caught. This was in Milwaukee?

I just searched their archives and gave up when I noticed that narrowing my search to 2001 was yeilding plenty of stories from 2002. I entered 'apple', 'razor' and 'Halloween' with possible success, but a cold success buried under 100+ results. Consider it apocryphal but the way I and my wife remember it the person wasn't caught (how do you trace an apple?)

I don't know that it's racial so much as 'gangbangers are evil'. But I guess gangbanger does imply Hispanic.

Only in LA. It implies "black" elsewhere and as I heard the tale it was regarding Oakland. Regardless, I think "gangbanger" only implies "White" to fans of West Side Story.

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 09:28 AM

Actually my wife just now claims it was a needle in a snickers bar.

So I ran that search. Chick, you are going to LOVE this!
This is how ULs usually devolve isn't it? I just ran that search on Google, here's your story.

http://www.jsonline.com/WI/121399/wi--halloweencandy121399.asp

It was quite a sensation when first reported. Obviously the developments didn't make the Nightly News as much as the first story, the one I misremembered, did.

Mark Asher

07-26-2002, 09:33 AM

I liked the one about the one-night stand where the fella wakes up alone and sees "Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS" written in lipstick on his bathroom mirror. I witnessed someone telling a 7-11 clerk that it actually happened to his roommate. "Man, I'd find and kill that fucking bitch!" the clerk said.

I also witnessed someone getting the gangbangers thing off a fax machine and waving it around, irate. "Can you believe they're doing this!"

Erik

07-26-2002, 09:53 AM

The gangbanger one also prays upon that old standby, fear of another race. Of course those scary gangbangers would kill you for just being helpful!

That's ridiculous. Scary gangbangers are primarily known for crime, fraternal violence, and the murder of innocents in the pursuit of activities 1 and 2. I don't think there's anything racial about this urban legend, unless you think that gang activity in general is one of The Man's racist fables. Oddly, The Man hasn't concocted many urban legends about the deadly practices of inner-city evangelical ministers.

Erik

07-26-2002, 09:58 AM

Furthermore, Chick's familiar with the story and he's still not even sure what race he's supposed to be scared of. So if anything, it's a pretty unsuccessful racist legend.

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 10:30 AM

Ok Erik, point taken. The context I heard it in was definitely racist, which is probably where I drew that conclusion. It was circulating among white frat students at SFSU in regards to how scary and mad/crazy those n-word gangstas are in Oaktown. And that racial context mades me ashamed for believing it so readily before I learned it was a fake. I mean, this sort of thing never happened once (documented), so it's not even built on a single crazy gangster initiation! So, I'll take your word for it that I believed it so easily not because on some level I fear inner-city minorities but because I fear gang members of any race. At least I hope that's the case.

But even if you presume that all gang members are criminals and crazy bad people, it's silly to imagine they're going to kill *you* just because you helpfully flash your brights at them. That doesn't fulfill #1 in your example, nor even #2 because there's presumably little gain in killing helpful brights-flashing people on the streets of the big bad city.

And, anyway, I only said it "prays upon" I didn't say it was a racist UL.

EDIT: Changed "crimanals" to "criminals" and added "at least I hope that's the case" for the sake of clarity.

Doug Erickson

07-26-2002, 03:41 PM

prays upon

Maybe those OG evangelical ministers ARE starting to 'bang.

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 04:08 PM

Oh dear.

:?

Supertanker

07-26-2002, 04:14 PM

I don't know that it's racial so much as 'gangbangers are evil'. But I guess gangbanger does imply Hispanic.

Only in LA. It implies "black" elsewhere and as I heard the tale it was regarding Oakland. Regardless, I think "gangbanger" only implies "White" to fans of West Side Story.

You both need to update your image of gangs. LA is the real-life version of Liberty City. Among our plethora of gangs we have black gangs (Bloods, Crips, etc.), latino gangs (La Eme, a.k.a. the Mexican Mafia), Russian mafia, Armenian mafia, White Supremacists, a wide array of Asian gangs, and a bunch of Adelphia cable franchises. The places I live & work are mostly Asian or White Supremacist territory.

Anonymous

07-26-2002, 04:55 PM

A friend of mine recently tried to show me some stats that proved a certain occupation was the most hazardous type of job you could have. I think he said it was truck drivers, or something like that. When I didn't believe him, he went online and found all sorts of conflicting information about what jobs have the highest risk of death: cabbies, park rangers, convenience store clerks, stuff you'd never guess. I never found out what the real answer is, but I've since heard a few of those 'world most dangerous jobs!' claims kicked around.

The one I like best is US president. Four fatalities on the job in a little over 200 person-years, plus job-related injuries. That's got to be pretty dangerous by US standards.

Mike

Tom Chick

07-26-2002, 06:39 PM

You both need to update your image of gangs.

Supertanker is street. He knows what time it is. If you know what I mean. Did I say that right, Supertanker? :)

Gangs, schmangs. Arrest them all and let God sort them out. Something like that.

Mike, good one on US Presidents having high risk jobs! Let's see, there have been, what?, 43 presidents. With 4 on the job fatalities, that's a 10% death rate! Get OSHA on it!

-Tom

Bub, Andrew

07-26-2002, 08:29 PM

Not to mention the Presidential near-fatalities, of which Nixon's appearance on "Laugh-In" surely counts.

I'll take Supertanker's word for it. Most of my knowledge of gangs comes from Michael Jackson's "Beat It" video.

Sparky

07-27-2002, 07:10 PM

Mark Asher

07-27-2002, 07:39 PM

Most of my knowledge of gangs comes from Michael Jackson's "Beat It" video.

Damn, you're much more hip than I am...my knowledge of gangs comes from "The Little Rascals". But I'll avoid flashing my high beams at spunky ragamuffins in soapbox derby cars, just in case.

Watch out for that damn Mickey (Robert Blake)! You can't stop that guy! I think he was the unknown assailant who rubbed out Buckwheat on that SNL skit.

DavidCPA

07-27-2002, 08:39 PM

I remember that skit. I don't watch SNL much any more, but I remember growing up and getting to stay up late on Saturday night to watch the show and laughing my ass off - Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, Colon Blow cereal commercial, Gumby Dammit!.

Back to the UL....I live in a town that according to the last census is ~97% white. A few years ago my wife warned me about the gangbangers coming after us when I flashed an oncoming car to let them know their headlights were not on after dusk. Her concern grew out of her year of teaching in the local high school. She saw some odd ganglike activity among different parts of the student body. In one case, a white girl gang where the white girls were mimicing "urban black" behavior - I know that sounds bad, but it is the best description that I could give. In general, when I think of gangs, I think about black gangs. The film industry has done a better job of promoting that group than anything else - Boyz in the Hood, Colors, etc.

-DavidCPA

Tom Chick

07-27-2002, 09:31 PM

one case, a white girl gang where the white girls were mimicing "urban black" behavior - I know that sounds bad, but it is the best description that I could give.

I believe that's called "wigging". Just so you know. In case you ever have to talk yourself out of a difficult situation.

-Tom

William Harms

07-27-2002, 11:40 PM

Anonymous

07-28-2002, 05:45 AM

so, as to whether or not gangs would harm people just to harm them (I to believed the "don't flash your headlights" story and didn't for a long long time): I was riding my bike along a creek-side bike path in LA that dips down under the streets it intersects. There was a gang of kids down at the bottom of one of the dips and they sucker punched me as I rode by. It wasn't very fun and I had to worry about what else they would do to me as I struggled to ride up the other side of the dip.

While killing someone for flashing their headlights at you doesn't sound that rational, and is of a much greater order of magnitude than sucker punching a guy riding his bike past you, I think it DOES fall in the sphere of what non-gang people (read: scared whities) believe is possible.

just a thought.
brian

wumpus

07-28-2002, 11:41 AM

Maybe they thought it would be funny to punch Casper, the friendly ghost.

A whole childhood misspent, reading Richie Rich, Archie, and Casper. It's sad, really.

Bub, Andrew

07-28-2002, 12:07 PM

Yeah, he could have spent that time building computer games with your father instead.

wumpus

07-28-2002, 12:17 PM

Yet again, you miss the point. I was referring to myself. Back in the day, there was nothing cooler than spending an afternoon reading about Cadbury, Irona, Reggie, Dollar, Gloria, Chef Pierre, et al.

And just think, Bill Gates' kid gets to actually live it!

Mark Asher

07-28-2002, 01:49 PM

As for the laptops, I don't doubt they've been stolen. But I do doubt that there's an organzied scheme to do it at airport X-ray machines, as the FAA warned. There are much easier ways to steal laptops with less risk of getting caught.

Actually, Dateline (about a year or so ago) ran a segment on this very thing, where one person would distract the "mark" and another would then get in line in front of the mark, quickly move through the x-ray machine, and then take off with the mark's baggage/laptop/whatever. They had extensive security video footage showing it happen again and again. This problem seems more common in Europe than here, though.

Yeah, but the major news outlets also ran stories about the "Summer of the Shark" a few years ago when there was no increase in shark attacks whatsoever. It was a slow news season and a few attacks were bunched together and suddenly the national news was proclaiming shark attacks were on the rise.

Shows like Dateline especially like to sensationalize.

Toddy

07-28-2002, 04:31 PM

It was just last summer, actually. And the only thing that got sharks out of US papers was Sept. 11.

Brad Grenz

07-28-2002, 08:01 PM

"Summer of the Coconut"

"Stairs: The Silent Killer"

Tom Chick

07-29-2002, 01:50 PM

"Summer of the Coconut"

Hey, what's that from, Brad?

A friend of mine tells me he heard on a gameshow that the leading cause of death on beaches was...falling coconuts striking people on the heads! Which I don't believe for a second, but I'm wondering what the hell sort of source this came from.

-Tom

Kevin Perry

07-29-2002, 02:41 PM

From in the inestimable Cecil Adams:

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/020719.html

Thierry Nguyen

07-29-2002, 04:15 PM

Tyjenks

07-29-2002, 04:22 PM

I am afraid this is the Summer of the West Nile Infected Mosquito.

A health official in Lousiana, where 8 people have contracted the virus, said the best thing to do before they can spray all infested areas is to avoid getting bitten by mosquitoes. Now that is some stellar health officiating if I have ever heard it. 'Cause the average Lousianan is in a contest every year to see who can be bitten the most.