Tales from a customer service rep.

[Chet Awesomelaser]

The following is a collection of stories that I have gathered as my time as a customer service representative for a bank. This thread is merely an experiment, if it goes well then I'll consider updating you all on the day to day life of the bleak and often stressful situations I find myself in. These, friends, are here purely for entertainment reasons and to maybe show you just how crazy people can be. Every call begins with me introducing myself, so I'll leave those out. I may add my thoughts in italics

The day I spoke to a magician.

"I've got a problem with my account."
"Ok, sure let me have a look at it for you... "
*I get the account number and identify the client*
"So what seems to be the problem?"
"The phone company keeps taking money out of my account, what do I do?"
"Well the first thing we recommend is calling the company and asking them to stop."
"I can't call them"
"Oh? Why is that?"
"I don't have a phone..."

The dead man
Before this one starts - if a client dies we update the status on the account to say that they're dead. You know, so we know to break out the voodoo when they call through.
"I just want to check my balance"
*I get the account information and I see that the man I'm talking to is... dead.*
"Can I just ask a few identification questions today?" OK, this has to be fraud
Now he answers the questions perfectly and without hesitation. He's either practiced or something is messed up. I get straight onto the department that handes fraud who doesn't know what to do. I alert my areas team leader who looks into it further. Turns out for some reason he'd been flagged as dead where the truth was he was in prison.

Sanest customer I've ever had.
"Yeah, I want to transfer money to someone elses account"
"Sure, the best way to get that done is to actually visit a branch. We can't do that over the phone"
"Oh.. I can't do that. Maybe I can get my carer to do it for me?"
"ok, sure, do they have access to your account? I mean - are they authorised?"
"I think so. I'm in an asylum."

That's a taste of what's to come. I also have "The 16 year old girl I probably got grounded" , "Woman with a tinfoil hat" , "The day I was witty with a customer" and many more if they're requested. Feel free to add your own if you've ever lead the life of a customer service rep.

[chet]

Huh??

[XPav]

Customer stories are great.

[quatoria]

Aside from these, of course.

[K0NY]

I had this one guy call me when I was doing help desk.
He was like, "I need help with my computer."
So I go, "Sure. What seems to be the problem."
And he's all, "It's not on."
So I say, "Push the power button."
Then he's like, "Yup, that did it. Thanks."

TRUE STORY!

[JM]

chet, you have a LOT to answer for.

[Ephraim]

Huh??

Ha! Ha!

He's got both an Awesomelaser AND a capital C. You lose, chet.

[wildpokerman]

We need more name stealing around here.

[ElGuapo]

Worst first post EVAR.

[BaconTastesGood]

Worst first post EVAR.

Nothing worse than joining a new community, attempting to introduce yourself and rapidly establish that you're going to be a playa, only to crash and burn hideously due to the jaded, slack jawed response of....us.

Man, tough crowd. As it should be.

[Nellie]

There was this time when I was a mere phone monkey for the telephone company and had to speak to someone in Def Leppard (joe someone or other) who wanted a chargecard for their US tour. They were leaving in 4 days and the turnaround for one at that time was 2 weeks! How I laughed.

How about the time I spent ages trying to explain to someone why I wanted to ring them back on a landline so that we could go through some settings on their mobile phone?

No? Please yourselves.

[Raife]

That's a taste of what's to come.

I vote to stake Chet Awesomelaser.

[Matt Perkins]

No name can be better than Chet Awesomelaser. Really.

[Stroker Ace]

One time when I was in elementary school Richard Simmons pulled up in a limo and the student bodies sweated to The Oldies for an hour in the cafeteria. He had short shorts and an afro.

[balut]

Chet Awesomelaser sounds like he should be a featured character in Stephen Colbert's Stephen Colbert Presents Alpha Squad 7: A Tek Janssen Adventure.

[BaconTastesGood]

John Tesh waved to me in an airport once. TRUE STORY.

[Stroker Ace]

When I was at 'Bama, my wife played in a croquet game against the football team, and FUTURE KC CHIEFS 3RD STRING QB BRODIE CROYLE played and lost. He weighed like 180, I swear.

ps - I was there.

[MikeSofaer]

I was at a no-smoking rock concert next to Tim Roth once.

He bent way over to light his cigarette so the man wouldn't see, and when he stood up he clocked himself on his date's elbow.

TRUE STORY

[balut]

I was eating lunch in LA once, and I saw the dude that played the bad guy in Karate Kid 2. NO JOKE.

[Stroker Ace]

Sela Ward spoke at my graduation, but not the Master's session where I actually walked. She went to the larger undergrad session later in the weekend.

[Glenn]

One time during my childhood we were driving down the California Coast, and stopped at a beach where an episode of Baywatch was being filmed. I wanted Hasselhoff's autograph, because, duh, Knight Rider. He took that opportunity to make a really obnoxious pass at my fifteen-year-old sister.

FUCK YOU HASSELHOFF.

[K0NY]

This one time, I was living in a "free land" with deteriorating civil liberties. When suddenly, Maury was inturrepted in the middle of revealing a woman's 11th paternity test results. The news man came on and said our president was going to speak. At the U.N. our country's leader announced that we would be invading yet another country.

True story!

[Ergo]

I once carried a bunch of electronics to Martin Short's car. He even tipped me 10 bucks.

TRUE STORY

[Mike O'Malley]

I met Jesse Jackson outside LaGuardia once while his driver was arguing with a cop about the fact that he'd parked in a fire lane.

TRUE STORY!!!UNA!!!!11!!

[Stroker Ace]

When I was in 6th grade I went to Space Camp, and my 9th grade sister was in Space Academy. Winnie from The Wonder Years was in one of the other sections of my sister's class. She's in my sister's Space Academy composite and everything.

[Equis]

I drove Lucy Liu home, and I didn't crash due to my terrible driving. I SWEAR!!!

[Dean]

Once, I went to a bar in Gloucester, and Whoopi Goldberg was tending bar. I got two beers, and thought, "Should I tip her?"

I left a buck. Did Whoopi really need my buck?

True Story!! (Not really, I just paid with a ten and left before she could give me change.)

[stusser]

I saw iggy pop getting head in a NYC stripclub in 1997 or so. His face was like a piece of leather. No expression. The man had so many blowjobs in his life that he didn't even seem to notice. I was standing right there smoking a cigarette and watching the stripper bob her head up and down and he totally didn't give a shit. It was pretty awesome.

I actually tried to call in to the howard stern show the next morning, but stuttering john heard me say "blowjob", assumed I'd say it on the air, and hung up.

[Rywill]

I would really like to hear the "Day I Was Witty With A Customer" story, though. Except I'm worried that it's going to be something like "This customer called and said his name was John Helb. And I said to him, 'Well, can I HELB you, sir?' Ay? Ay?"

Oh well. The really sad part is, the only reasonable course for the OP is to sign up with a new account and start over, but Chet Awesomelaser is like the best name ever. What a terrible waste.

[madkevin]

I once gave Billy Bragg a noogie. SERIOUSLY. But no blowjob.

[Alan Au]

I once posted on an internet message board, and the guy who played that reporter on The West Wing replied to my post. TRUE STORY

- Alan

[KaoFloppy]

Nothing worse than joining a new community, attempting to introduce yourself and rapidly establish that you're going to be a playa, only to crash and burn hideously due to the jaded, slack jawed response of....us.

Man, tough crowd. As it should be.
>280 posts, and I've never started a thread. You buncha big scary people you...

Edit: I once met John Manley at the Ottawa airport checkin. TRUE STORY.
Who's John Manley? What, don't you know the most famous deputy prime minister in Canada? oh...never mind...

[fuzzyslug]

I once posted on an internet message board, and the guy who played that reporter on The West Wing replied to my post. TRUE STORY

- Alan

I call bullshit.

[Slainte Mhath]

So is Awesomelaser your real last name or are you compensating for something?
I kid, I know it's not your real last name...

I met a ton of famous musicians who would come into the nightclub where I worked in college, but thinking back, I don't recall ever meeting anyone from TV or the movies, thus I have no amazing Hollywood Insider story. Bummer.

[balut]

I was playing XBox360 online and I'm pretty sure I shot the gay boyfriend from an episode of The Office right in the head, once.

[spiffy]

I was working at Beaver Tails one summer and was asked by a biker whether we had any with meat.

[RepoMan]

In the early nineties I was into the San Francisco underground scene. Had some dominatrix friends. One night while the second or third Lollapalooza was in town, Brigit Brat (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=3798359) wanted to borrow my violet wand (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violet_wand) to use in her punk concert at a little backroom SOMA club. (Fucker broke one of the attachments, but oh well.) Courtney Love was on the balcony with some of her Hole bandmates (Hole was in that year's Lollapalooza), and flicked some cigarette ashes onto one of my friends, which pissed me off.

So after the show, Courtney was in the corner drunk off her ass talking to people and making out. I went over, pulled out the wand, and started shocking various individuals. She saw it, got intrigued, and yes, I gave Courtney Love electric shocks. I think she was too drunk to feel them until I turned it way up.

Definitely my number 1 celebrity encounter of all time.

Yes, this is 100% true.

[fire]

I met the guy who invented the pre-emptive strike.

Edit: TRUE STORY!

Also some stunt pilots autographed their photos for me.

[Fugitive]

Hey, is this any way to treat our new friend? He was stringently vetted, after all.

[Jerry Sizzler]

Dick Dale kissed me on the top of the head once. TRUE STORY!

[Lunch of Kong]

This is quite a fun thread, actually. Thanks for making it, Chet II.

[Unicorn McGriddle]

They were drilling a hole in the street with jackhammers at 7:30 this morning, forty feet from where I was trying to sleep. TRUE STORY!

[mono]

One time I was unexpectedly alone in a long elevator ride with Mark Hamill. About half way up, I asked him if he was the guy from Corvette Summer.

TRUE STORY

[Winifred]

One time, as a backpacking teenager in Amsterdam, I bought hash, but didn't know how I was supposed to smoke it, and Keith Richards, who was sitting in the coffee house, (I dunno why), felt sorry for me, and showed me how to roll a tobacco and hash joint. I also got backstage passes for the Stones show in Den Hague. So, that was cool.

True story.

[XPav]

I once posted a list of continuity errors about the character of Robby Jackson in Tom Clancy's Hunt for Red October and Patriot Games.

Tom Clancy emailed me back and said I was right.

TRUE STORY.

[Met_K]

One time, as a backpacking teenager in Amsterdam, I bought hash, but didn't know how I was supposed to smoke it, and Keith Richards, who was sitting in the coffee house, (I dunno why), felt sorry for me, and showed me how to roll a tobacco and hash joint. I also got backstage passes for the Stones show in Den Hague. So, that was cool.

True story.

Mo-hwahwahwahwa, you don't say deary?, m'yes! Diddley doop and far-snarkles. Ta ta, lassy! Ooooh!

[RepoMan]

Keith Richards, who was sitting in the coffee house, (I dunno why)
My guess would be he wanted to get really fucking stoned.

[BaconTastesGood]

Other brushes with celebrity:

- remember that old TV show, Next Step, back when Discovery was a fledgling network? I met the host of that show, Richard Hart, at Namco CyberEdge in Mountain View.

- Margot Kidder accosted me at DragonCon because I was wearing a hockey jersey for a team she'd never heard of -- it was a Quake 3 jersey

- I talked to David Drake, author of Hammer's Slammers, on the phone once

- I met Vernor Vinge and had a one on one chat with him for an hour in San Diego and got him to sign a copy of one of his books which I then gave to John Carmack as a birthday present

- 23 years ago I wrote a fan letter to Piers Anthony (I was like 12, cut me some slack) and he wrote back. Answering all my questions and everything. I can't believe I lost that fucking thing.

P.S. NO MORE "TRUE STORY" unless it's true!

[RickH]

Hey, BTG, at least half of those are somewhat interesting. Way to violate the spirit of the thread.

[Zylon]

I have been personally flamed by J. Michael Straczynski on GEnie.

But then, hasn't everybody?

[balut]

Hey, BTG, at least half of those are somewhat interesting. Way to violate the spirit of the thread.

Yeah, what the fuck?

My brother once saw David Cone on the streets of NY, back when Cone played for the Yankees. He said hi, and Cone said hi back.

[Squirrel Killer]

A friend of mine got bitched out by the mother of some two-bit kid actor for telling a Pollock joke.

[Hanzii]

I once suggested to Mel Smith that a movie about lawn bowls would be really fucking hard to market around the world and he said 'yes, you're probably right' and that he probably should ask me before his next project.
When Blackball (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337879/)flopped he never called me...

TRUE STORY

[Hawkeye Fierce]

I played against Kobe Bryant when he was still in high school. True story.

[Sebmolo]

I shook Liv Tyler's hand after a show. It was warm, limp and moist like raw herring left in the sun. Elijah Wood was there too, he just stared at nothing for about five minutes while Liv bought some T-shirts and CDs

[wildpokerman]

I brought coffee to the guy who played the evil fireman in backdraft.

True story.

I served Kenny Rogers a fajita.

True Story.

I served dinner to Bruce Babbit at yellowstone park.

True Story.

I saw Sherri Lewis at a table in Yellowstone as well.

True Story.

My wife's ex husband's childhood babysitter is Jango Fett.

True Story.

[Bad Neighbor]

I donated blood friday and won a Carson Palmer jersey in the raffle!


True story!

[Alan Dunkin]

* I sold Jamal Mashburn, Popeye Jones, and a third guy (when they were all with the Dallas Mavericks) a 3DO back when they were $700 at EBX. No I didn't get an autograph, I figured they got that too much already.

* Speaking of BaconTastesGood, the id guys from what I understand used to hit the Town East EB quite often as we'd chat with the guys over there a couple times a week. I remember desperately wishing I worked there, though they got the "down from the hills" shoe/shirtless fare quite often - not like the high-priced escort-types you'd see at Northpark (which made working there just as entertaining). The only devs we ever got in were the guys that made Harvester.

It doesn't really compare.

* I remember trying to get Elijah Wood interested in WW2OL at E3 2001. He was more interested in the Activision booth across the aisle, and consequently, Return to Castle Wolfenstein was right there next to us, blaring Horner's Aliens music till it was drilled in my head.

* I walked by Jamie Bamber, the new Apollo, this year at Gencon. TRUE STORY!

--- Alan

[Odysseus]

The day my boss told me he's quitting.

"I'm finally getting money from my grandfather's estate. I'm quitting and going to semi-retire, maybe do some contract work."
I said, "Wow, no way! Congratulations, man."
And he said it was true.
I'm going to apply for his job.

[Balasarius]

I am distantly related to George Bush.

TRUE STORY.

PS - bow down.

[RepoMan]

I shook Liv Tyler's hand after a show. It was warm, limp and moist like raw herring left in the sun.
Beautiful. Right up there with "Poops McGee" in the Jesus thread. I love this place.

[Matt Perkins]

You poor bastard.


That was to Bal...

[Shadarr]

I sold a t-shirt to some guy on the Australian swim team at the Commonwealth Games who later won a gold medal. His coach gave me a kiwi pin.

TRUE STORY

[balut]

I am distantly related to George Bush.

TRUE STORY.

PS - bow down.

So you are a vampire!

[Sebmolo]

My wife's ex husband's childhood babysitter is Jango Fett.

True Story.

Temuera Morrison? Nice fella.

I've played in a band with Figwit (http://www.figwitlives.net/)from LOTR.

Edit: The only way this thread will truly attain perfection is if we never hear from Mr Awesomelaser again. And on the inside that will make me sad.

[Matt Perkins]

yeah, he so has to come back and say something else good with his awesomelaser name!

[SpoofyChop]

My dad once saw John Travolta in the Air and Space Museum.

TRUE STORY!!

[Bill Dungsroman]

I made out with the girl who played the alien who got Trip pregnant in the first season of Enterprise.

[Aszurom]

So, my dad and I are standing in line to get on the King Cobra coaster at King's Island amusement park. I was like 14 or so. I note that the guy standing in front of us is a dead ringer for Gomez Addams. I stood there struggling to remember the actor's name for the longest time - but we had a lot of time because the line was long as hell. Finally I had it... "Pardon me, are you Mr. Astin?" Well, it would be a crap story if it wasn't, eh? He was with his son, Sean, who was my age and he introduced him to us, and we talked some while we were waiting to get on the ride. Apparently they were into traveling around to different parks to check out the roller coasters, and since this one was brand new they came to add it to their list.

TRUE STORY!

Here's another,

I'm from Canton, OH. Up in North Canton we had a really nice hobby shop called Falcon Hobbies. My best friend Jon had a buddy Chad, and we'd head up to the hobby shop on saturday nights to play D&D, Warhammer, Battletech or whatever was going on. Occasionally, Chad's cousin would show up. We were freaks, but this dude was the freak's freak. Combat boots, ankle length OD-green skirt (yes, skirt), leather biker jacket, and long black hair in pipi longstocking braids. It took a few times of him coming around before everybody got comfortable with each other - but we were sympathetic enough to being outcasts ourselves that we ultimately didn't do it to this guy. So, he got to be pretty cool after a while, if an infrequent player. It's really a bitch to try to work an anti-paladin into a pickup-group party, but we managed for his sake.

Brian doesn't remember us, I'm sure... he's too busy making gold records and eating cheesecake off Dita Von Teese's naked belly, I'm sure. That's what I'd be doing.

And that, my friends....
IS
NO
BULLSHIT

[Nellie]

I am distantly related to George Bush.


When are you running for president?

I once interviewed Cliff Richard. I wish it wasn't a TRUE STORY, but it is. If he was a beastie in WoW you'd get something better than rugged leather off him.

[Supertanker]

I was with the family at Disneyland, and on the way in Dennis Rodman and his group was buying tickets ahead of us. We ignored him, as is the usual practice. Later on, we are standing in line for a ride, and we see him a few folks ahead of us. I'm people watching the crowd, and I see a woman headed his way with an autograph book and that "AMG FAMOUS PERSON" look. However, the woman walks right past Rodman and comes up to my wife. Turns out the woman was an avid scrapbooker, and recognized my wife from her various published scrapbooking works.

TRUE STORY!

[Sparky]

I am distantly related to Alexander Hamilton.

TRUE STORY

[Jerry Sizzler]

I think I served a hamburger to Chris Kattan once when I was in high school, but I didn't realize it was him until later. True story, since who would make up a whimsical story about meeting Chris Kattan.

[JPR]

When I worked at Starbucks in Nashville, Jerry Springer came in at 7:30am with 3 bodyguards. He was very nice and personable -- he waiting in line for almost 10 minutes and ordered a grande nonfat latte.

When I was a customer at a different Starbucks in Nashville, Al Gore was in front of me. He was awkward, clumsy, and significantly shorter than I thought (I would say 5'11 or 6'0 -- shorter than I am, which was weird).

In college I helped set up and tear down for campus concerts. After a Foo Fighters concert, I was helping tear down the stage and was asked to take Dave Grohl some clipboard. He was standing off to the side, talking to someone short. I interrupted them to give him his clipboard and saw it was Winona Ryder. He asked me my name and then introduced himself and her and I shook both their hands. The other interaction I had with him those two days were good, too. He was a nice guy. So were the Violent Femmes.

Edit: Oh yeah. True story!

[K0NY]

I have a confession.

My "true story" posts that prompted everyone to finish their posts with the same two words are in fact, not true stories. I was sarcastically mocking the anecdotal nature of this thread.

Don't ask me how that turned the thread into, "my brush with celebrity" but there it is.

[Matthew Gallant]

Mark Asher sold gay porn to Charles Nelson Reilly.

[Sebmolo]

Ooh! I have another one! I bankrupted the guy who wrote 'Agadoo' and 'The Birdie Song', two of the nastiest nuggets of pop shlock ever to stain the airwaves. A google for 'Black Lace' should bring them up. I was working at the Leeds Insolvency office in the 90's and he came in to get bankrupted. Sad, profligate little man.

[mono]

I'm the only IT Monkey at work, about 70 users in two locations, so I have to do everything between WAN/VPN/server mumbo jumbo, to user issues. Here's an email exchange that took place yesterday. The user, Suzanne, has a software app called CAP that requires a USB dongle licensing doohickey:


>>> Suzanne User 9/18/2006 1:36 pm >>>
o.k it really weird but my cpu is making a buzzing noise w/ the cap device plugged in!!!

>>> Joshua Marshall 9/18/2006 1:37 pm >>>
That's a new one. Have you tried a different USB port? Perhaps it's loose, and is simply vibrating in time with the fan in the case?

>>> Suzanne User 9/18/2006 1:40 pm >>>
i think I got it to stop> You don't want to know how!!!!

>>> Joshua Marshall 9/18/2006 1:41 pm >>>
How?!?

>>> Suzanne User 9/18/2006 1:42 pm >>>
I turned my keyboard upside down to get a crumb out & it stopped !?!?!?

>>> Joshua Marshall 9/18/2006 1:44 pm >>>
A watershed moment in IT troubleshooting history.
Congratulations. :)

[shift6]

Christopher Lambert owes me about $10,000. Tom Chick asked me to share an air mattress with him. And finally, I drank a diet coke today.

ALL TRUE!

[Hawkeye Fierce]

I am distantly related to Alexander Hamilton.

TRUE STORY

Holy crap, me too. True story.

[Raife]

Christopher Lambert owes me about $10,000.

Pain and suffering damages from the Highlander sequels?

[John Merva]

Christopher Lambert owes me about $10,000.

Well, I did tell you not to keep going to see his films!

Edit: Damn your eyes Raife

[Steve Canyon]

Once when I was nine or ten my Dad took me to a restaurant in NYC. We were with some of his business freinds. One of the guys looks over and says, Hey, That's Floyd Patterson! I had no idea who Floyd Patterson was, but my dad's friend tells me he was the heavy weight champion of the world at one time. He wants me to go get his autograph. I decline, but my dad looks dissapointed, so I decide to do it. I take a napkin over and ask.

Floyd says, You don't even know who I am. He goes, Your dad sent you over here didn't he? I immediately get self-conscious and all fucked up. I dont' say anything for a few minutes and then I blurt, Sure I do! Because I was feeling so self-conscious, I say it with way too much attitude. Floyd's friend just sort of looked up at the ceiling. For a minute there I thought Floyd was going to cream me or at least send me back to my table empty handed.

Champ that he is, Floyd Patterson took my napkin and gave me an autograph.

TRUE STORY!

[Steve Canyon]

Holy crap, me too. True story.

NO! I am the distant relative of Alexander Hamilton!

TRUE STORY

[Steve Canyon]

Oh, wait. My bad. I am the distant relative of Hamilton Alexander. Ignore me!

[Odysseus]

My wife and I were at Louis Armstrong International, two days before Katrina hit, and we saw Michael Keaton over in the first class line. He was wearing a beret and sunglasses, and looked really tiny next to his bodyguard. That's how I pictured Tom Chick until I saw him on The Office.

True story!

[Jakub]

I made out with the girl who played the alien who got Trip pregnant in the first season of Enterprise.
Wait a tick.

Enterprise actually ripped off a Red Dwarf gag?

[Chet Awesomelaser]

Edit: The only way this thread will truly attain perfection is if we never hear from Mr Awesomelaser again. And on the inside that will make me sad.

Well I'm not aiming for perfection so let's go a few more. I won't be put off just yet. Fuck, we've got three pages of awesome so far.

I'm sure it's not that much of a pain.

One of my favourite customers was the following gentleman. He was the high light of my day and by far my favourite caller. It was , in fact, his mother that called for him.
"I just have a quick question. What does my son have to do to change his pin?"
"Has he forgotton the original or does he just want to change it?"
"He's forgotton it."
"Well that's easy. All he has to do is visit a branch and they can change it for him"
It was then that a young man, probably in his mid twenties grabbed the phone from his dearest ma ma.
"What do I have to do?"
"Just go into a branch and they'll change it"
"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN TAKE THIS FUCKING CARD AND TAKE MY FUCKING NAME OF YOUR COMPUTER AND TELL THE FUCKING BANK TO SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASS!" *click*

And now, I shall leave you all to chit chat over your true stories. If you'll excuse me, I have a bunker to build and movies that I haven't seen to review.

[nutsak]

I'm voting this second best thread ever in the history

True story.

[JoshV]

I shook Morgan Webb's hand, didn't even know she was famous in any way, i don't watch G4.

TRUE STORY


I also met the guy who played the geeky kid w/ a high powered camera in EuroTrip at a house party. Though i didn't know where the hell i recognized him from until much later.

TRUE STORY

They're lame, but its all i got.

[Angie Gallant]

I had a guy call me piss drunk, begging me to delay his delivery because his wife was in the hospital. He kept calling me an angel.

Which is better than being called a fucking retard, like my coworker usually gets.

[Bill Dungsroman]

Wait a tick.

Enterprise actually ripped off a Red Dwarf gag?
Sho' nuff. First season.

She was also Sipowicz' son's sketchy girlfriend in NYPD Blue's first season. She was considered the "most nude woman on network TV" for a time.

Julianne Christie (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0160342), sadly no photo exists for her on imdb.

[Jakub]

Wow, that's desperately bad writing. No wonder Enterprise tanked in such a spectacular fashion.

[JM]

Sho' nuff. First season.

She was also Sipowicz' son's sketchy girlfriend in NYPD Blue's first season. She was considered the "most nude woman on network TV" for a time.

Julianne Christie (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0160342), sadly no photo exists for her on imdb.

Mmm, foxy! (http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Julianne_Christie)

[Kalle]

When I was in high school I saw the King and Queen of Sweden come by for a visit. They walked through the entrance hall, flanked by body guards, as I was on my way to my history class and I wished I had some food to throw at them. Fucking royals.

TRUE STORY

[Peter Frazier]

I served Nick Cave a ham, red capsicum and mushroom pizza. He doesn't like green capsicum.

TRUE STORY

[Equis]

I pissed next to Neil Gaiman. We didn't shake hands, because it was impolite but we did discuss who would kick each other's ass in down an dirty match. Warren Ellis or Alan Moore. We agreed that Moore would win.

True Story!

[Anders Hallin]

I pissed next to Neil Gaiman. We didn't shake hands, because it was impolite but we did discuss who would kick each other's ass in down an dirty match. Warren Ellis or Alan Moore. We agreed that Moore would win.

True Story!
That's just common sense, you don't fight with the crazy.

[FIDGAF]

I am distantly related to George Bush.

TRUE STORY.

PS - bow down.

And you actually admit to that?
:P

[RichVR]

I ate lunch next to Howard Cosell once. He liked his hamburgers rare with lots of ketchup. But he was a very neat eater and used up a lot of napkins.

<Jack Palance>
Believe it...

Or NOT!
</Jack Palance>

[Brendan]

I killed a man once.

True story.

[BaconTastesGood]

I saw Asia Carrera at GDC once. TRUE STORY.

I chatted with Larry Wilcox when he was working behind the counter at some amusement center (or something like that). Apparently he was an investor or spokesperson (I hope). EDIT: TRUE STORY

[Kyle Wilson]

TRUE STORY. The wedding scene in Navy Seals was filmed in the church that I went to while I was growing up.

I once ran into Meg Ryan in the gift shop after a Cirque du Soleil show. I felt like I should say something to her, but realized that we had nothing in common except that she was Meg Ryan and that I knew that she was Meg Ryan. Realizing that, "Hi, you're Meg Ryan!" sounds less suave than I might like, I kept my mouth shut.

I'm actually friends with David Drake. You should come up to Chapel Hill for his birthday party next month, Bacon. There'll be lots of pies, and a whole roast pig, and he'll probably show off the latest in Hammer's Slammers figurines.

[RichVR]

I'm actually friends with David Drake. You should come up to Chapel Hill for his birthday party next month, Bacon. There'll be lots of pies, and a whole roast pig, and he'll probably show off the latest in Hammer's Slammers figurines.

Now that's cool.

[Hanzii]

My parents ate dinner right next to Clint Eastwood and family in Scotland... and never realized it.

My grandfather once swore at the (then) king of Denmark.

If Christopher Lee remembered me, he'd probably think I was a quite annoying ung man - he certainly did the day we met.

I once talked to Shakira for 30 minutes about her ass and hair (seven other people were trying to talk a bit about her music, but we ignored them)

Helena Christensen once hugged me (but I only got a photo of the handshake).

Pamela Anderson once asked me for a light backstage at a Motley Crüe concert... but I don't smoke.

All true stories.

[mono]

Years ago my father and I saw a matinee of the De Palma flick Raising Cain at a discount movie theater in Manhattan. This guy sitting next to me wore a t-shirt sporting some sort of shambling man-thing/swamp-thing creature crawing out of a swimming pool. After the film, my father and I went separate ways and I stopped to make a phone call, noticing the t-shirt guy as I hung up. I noticed his face this time, and it was Stephen King. I said, "Hey, you're Stephen King. I think you just sat next to me during Raising Cain". He smiled, asked me how I liked it. I told him it was pretty good, I liked John Lithgow. King said he thought it was pretty bad, and I made some lame joke about deferring to to the Master of Modern Horror. I also told him I practically learned to read on his novels as a kid. He said that just made him feel pretty old. I got his autograph and all that.

As a waiter in some midtown Steak house in the early 90's, I served Muhammed Ali (big entourage), Yasmin Bleeth (sp?) and Bill Murray. Murray just asked for a beer and a plate, then took a deli-bought ham sandwich out of his jacket.

No shit.

Edit: Directorial Confusion. Thanks madkevin.

[BaconTastesGood]

Murray just asked for a beer and a plate, then took a deli-bought ham sandwich out of his jacket.

That just makes him that much fucking cooler.

[madkevin]

Years ago my father and I saw a matinee of the Carpenter flick Raising Cain at a discount movie theater in Manhattan.

<pedantic> Brian de Palma. </pedantic>

[ElGuapo]

Do you guys really get impressed by "celebrities"? I'll never understand that.

Let's see, just this year, I've spoken to, had lunch with, hung out with, or just said hello to:

Mike Wallace
Maureen Dowd
Trent Lott
C.J. John Roberts
Sandra Day OConner
Antonin Scalia
George W. Bush
Hillary Clinton
Charles Barkley
David Souter
Samuel Alito
Stephen Breyer
Clarence Thomas
The rock band Train (I forget all their names)
Alanis Morsette
Sheryl Crow
R. Lee Ermy
The whore ... I forget her name . . . Anna Nicole Smith
Nina Totenburg
Pete Williams
Billy Joel


And I don't know, a bunch more. They are just people. What's the big deal with celebrities?

[LesJarvis]

Weeeelll aren't you special?

I went to a Howard Jones CD signing once, and when I got to the front of the line I was shaking really bad because I like Howard Jones and I was nervous and I tried to say something but it came out all retarded.

True story.

[extarbags]

Murray just asked for a beer and a plate, then took a deli-bought ham sandwich out of his jacket.


Amazing.

[Lunch of Kong]

They are just people.

Wrong. They're people who never have any money on them.

[ElGuapo]

I guess on reflection that list looks like I'm showing off or something, but those were all just people I passed on the street, worked with, sat next to at a meeting, met through friends, etc.

I don't understand this billion dollar celebrity chasing industry. There are much hotter women and men walking around on the streets than most actresses and actors and singers and entertainers. Politicians and sports celebrities are just doing their jobs. What's the big deal? People sitting in the Accountz Receivables! department of a small company in Spokane, Washington are more interesting than most celebrities.

[Troy S Goodfellow]

Technically, the Supreme Court counts as only one celebrity.

Troy

[ElGuapo]

Wrong. They're people who never have any money on them.

I don't get it.

[ElGuapo]

oh, I forgot. The only guy I specifically went up to and asked to shake his hand was Buzz Aldrin. It felt reall awkward doing that, but the people at the reception (it was a NASA reception) were doing it, and they worked for NASA.

But hell, it was Buzz Aldrin. He wears his presidental medal thing everywhere, it's kinda funny.

[mono]

I guess on reflection that list looks like I'm showing off...

Not really. Well, with the exception of the Round Mound of Rebound. Barkley is awesome.

[shift6]

Pain and suffering damages from the Highlander sequels?
From the second one, possibly. Actually, for the website work that I did.

[Flowers]

Chelsea Clinton punched me in the face.

[Podunk]

My wife's second cousin married Dr. Dre. My wife went to the wedding, but that was before we were together. DAMN MY LUCK!

And my best friend from high school was using a bathroom in Vegas and Tom Jones took a dump in the adjacent stall.

100% TRUE!

[Rimbo]

I was in the Four Seasons in Austin, and went to the wrong elevators to get to my car (went to the room elevators). On the way back, I told a guy sitting in a chair in the lobby, "Now these are the right elevators!" After I pushed a button I thought, "Hey, that guy looked like Eric Clapton." I peeked back, and Eric didn't look like he wanted to continue the conversation or anything.

TRUE STORY

[Rimbo]

I once was at Comic-Con and saw this very nice-looking girl sitting at one of the booths. She kinda looked like Aria Giovanni. She certainly had the chest for it. And there were drawings of Aria behind her.

The booth? Heavy Metal.

I still can't believe I didn't have the balls to chat her up before the crowd formed for autographs, which is all the lameness you need to know that this is a TRUE STORY

[Fugitive]

I was waiting in line at a movie and a friend said "Hey, there's that guy from that local TV show", though I didn't know who it was and I think it was some community programming thing I hadn't seen since I was only visiting the city but I guess my friend knew.

ALL TRUE!

(This is not exactly a hotbed of celebrities.)

[John Merva]

I once went to a S*M*A*S*H (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%2AM%2AA%2AS%2AH) gig, went for a piss during the support band, looked next to me at the urinal (one of the long trough jobs) and realized I was pissing with Salv. We washed our hands, shook and then he took me and my mates backstage before the gig and then we went out clubbing with them afterwards.

TRUE STORY (but inconsequential)

[Rimbo]

By the way, Aria looked like the kind of girl who'd be hip to a few rounds of d20 with pizza... a girl you'd take home to show Mom. If I hadn't known who she was, she would fit right in with all the geeks.

In fact, she'd still fit in with all the geeks.

[Squirrel Killer]

I once posted in the same thread as a guy who had spoken to, had lunch with, hung out with, or just said hello to Mike Wallace, Maureen Dowd, Trent Lott, C.J. John Roberts, Sandra Day OConner, Antonin Scalia, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Charles Barkley, David Souter, Samuel Alito, Stephen Breyer, Clarence Thomas, the entire rock band Train (although he forgot all their names, so maybe they don't count), Alanis Morsette, Sheryl Crow, R. Lee Ermy, Anna Nicole Smith, Nina Totenburg, Pete Williams, Billy Joel, and Buzz Aldrin!

I once worked in a political consulting office, one of the guys near me started acting really nervous on a phone call. Afterward, he came up to me to brag about who he was just on the phone with. The Majority Leader of the Iowa House of Representatives. I guess some people are funny around fame, however small.

[extarbags]

the entire rock band Train (although he forgot all their names, so maybe they don't count)

Please, it's Train. They probably call ElGuapo every week, leaving six or seven messages asking if he wants to hang out, maybe share more stories about David Souter, but hey, if not, you know, th-that's cool.

[Rimbo]

Oh, but most importantly:

I am Rimbo.

I am my own famous internet personality.







OK, yeah, it's not like I'm Bill Dungsroman or anything, but my name has been verbed for crissakes...

[MikeSofaer]

I was present for an intimate and candid discussion on Israeli politics with Ariel Sharon in his living room. I just kept reading Nintendo Power, and didn't really listen. Now I wish I remembered what he said.

TRUE STORY!

[John Merva]

I have also met all of the final line-up of Carter USM and was at their secret record launch party through personal invite from Fruitbat.

[Ergo]

I worked at the Westside Pavilion mall in L.A. 1989-1990 and met a lot of famous people. Highlights (you know you want 'em):

-Had a half-hour long conversation with Ray Bradbury, where he told stories of getting regularly wasted with Walt Disney at the Capitol Records building

-Had another long conversation with Rod Steiger, where he admitted having the hots for Julie Christie during the filming of Dr. Zhivago

-Talking to Kurt Russel about the making of Escape From New York while Goldie Hawn and his kids took turns using our store's bathroom

Those are but a few TRUE STORIES.

[Matt Perkins]

By the way, Aria looked like the kind of girl who'd be hip to a few rounds of d20 with pizza... a girl you'd take home to show Mom. If I hadn't known who she was, she would fit right in with all the geeks.

In fact, she'd still fit in with all the geeks. This is true...saw her at some comic con a couple years back and a friend got some stuff autographed by her. She seemed pretty normal and nice. Where as the other stars next to her seemed very much you'd expect (either vacant or angry).

[Rimbo]

"Normal" is such an ineffective word.

[RepoMan]

"What do I have to do?"
"Just go into a branch and they'll change it"
"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN TAKE THIS FUCKING CARD AND TAKE MY FUCKING NAME OF YOUR COMPUTER AND TELL THE FUCKING BANK TO SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASS!" *click*
I consider you partly redeemed, sir.

[RepoMan]

I killed a man once.

True story.
Was the man famous?

[Rimbo]

Oh, shit, I almost forgot.

My parents went on a cruise, and met some folks who had box seats for the Rangers. They were good friends with the owner, so I got to meet him.

This was in 1989 mind you, so you'll pardon me if I was more excited about seeing Nolan Ryan get one step closer to 5,000 strikeouts than meeting the president's son.

[Matt Perkins]

"Normal" is such an ineffective word.
how so?

[Rimbo]

how so?

Well, I'd like to think Aria's a "normal" girl, but:
• socially awkward
• good at math/science geek
• entered college early

...not really "normal" compared to most people.

And in her chosen profession, she's not really "normal" either:
• Actually has brains
• Not an attention whore (shy)
• Not any kind of whore, really.
• Not really the typical "hooked on cocaine with a bad boob job" standard the porn industry has

So she's not really "normal" in either sense. She's unsual both in the class of "people in general" and in the class of "people who expose themselves professionally for money."

She'd fit in with geeks. Which is normal for us. But we're not normal. :)

[Kareem]

You got all that from seeing her at a convention before she got swarmed by fans?

[RichVR]

::cough:: stalker ::cough::

[Glenn]

On my first day delivering pizzas, I remember one of the other guys there telling me that Jenna Jameson was going to be signing autographs later that night at the Hustler store downtown, and he was going with some friends, and "we're going to try to pick her up." I thought he was joking, and responded with "yeah, I think porn chicks only do those promo events as a way to hook up with twenty year old dropouts with no money." From the look on his face, I was very surprised he didn't take a swing at me.

[Rimbo]

You got all that from seeing her at a convention before she got swarmed by fans?

She does have a website, you know. With a bio.

[Kalle]

She does have a website, you know. With a bio.

Which is, like, the complete and honest truth.

[Damien Falgoust]

I killed a man once.

True story.
In Reno, just to watch him die?

[Hawkeye Fierce]

There's not a lot to do in Reno.

EDIT: DAMN YOUR NINJA EDIT

[Hanzii]

I used to serve beer to one of the first Dr. Who writers on a regular basis.

I once got a big hug from a stoned Beth Gibbons an then went with my entire radio crew to party in Portisheads tour bus. One of the band members then tried to score with my very new girlfriend, but she preferred me.
She dumped me two weeks later, but that night she preferred me to a celebrity.

True story.

[Houngan]

I made out with the girl who played the alien who got Trip pregnant in the first season of Enterprise.

I'll see that and raise: The girl who played the cable girl in the Marky Mark "The Italian Job", and her identical twin sister. They were 11, I was 13, as I recall, at a church lock-in.

A few years later most of my friends did other very inappropriate things with those two. Also, fun final fact: they are touring golf long-driving competitors.

H.

[Steve Canyon]

Do you guys really get impressed by "celebrities"? I'll never understand that.

Let's see, just this year, I've spoken to, had lunch with, hung out with, or just said hello to:

Mike Wallace
Maureen Dowd
Trent Lott
C.J. John Roberts
Sandra Day OConner
Antonin Scalia
George W. Bush
Hillary Clinton
Charles Barkley
David Souter
Samuel Alito
Stephen Breyer
Clarence Thomas
The rock band Train (I forget all their names)
Alanis Morsette
Sheryl Crow
R. Lee Ermy
The whore ... I forget her name . . . Anna Nicole Smith
Nina Totenburg
Pete Williams
Billy Joel


And I don't know, a bunch more. They are just people. What's the big deal with celebrities?

The old Let-Me-Act-Like-Knowing-Celebrities-Means-Nothing-To-Me,-But Because-I-Know-It-Means-Something-To-YOU,-I-Will-Drop-A-Long-List-Of-Names trick. How pathetic!

[Steve Canyon]

I work with Jason McCullough. If you go to lunch with him, he jots down single line political messages on dozens of Post It notes, passing them to you as you're trying to eat your lunch. It's fucking annoying as all hell!

TRUE STORY! :)

[fire]

Funny, Glenn does the same thing, except on napkins. And they're all mocking Bush.

TRUE STORY!

[Patrick]

I used to sleep with a girl that was a dead ringer for Nicole Kidman.

[BaconTastesGood]

Please, it's Train. They probably call ElGuapo every week, leaving six or seven messages asking if he wants to hang out, maybe share more stories about David Souter, but hey, if not, you know, th-that's cool.

Extarbags FTW!

[DerekSnider]

I had this one guy call me when I was doing help desk.
He was like, "I need help with my computer."
So I go, "Sure. What seems to be the problem."
And he's all, "It's not on."
So I say, "Push the power button."
Then he's like, "Yup, that did it. Thanks."

TRUE STORY!

I can't believe that anyone is actually that stupid. I mean, seriously?

[Steve Canyon]

If KONY's story were true, it would have ended with KONY hearing the machine power up and the customer cursing KONY out because the customer felt so stupid for having such an easily solved problem.

TRUE STORY!

[Bill Dungsroman]

All I know is, I want to live life like ElGuapo and post on the internet like Rimbo.

[JPR]

Oh yeah. People are going to care about this WAY less than most of these stories.

I was delivering food near Vanderbilt in Nashville and had a cheeseburger for this guy named Dave B. I got there and rang the bell. He answered the door and I thought he looked kind of familiar. I stammered his total while I tried to place him, and then I remembered. So I say, "Oh shit, are you the guy from, uh. From, uh. Ummm. I really like your album -- I am literally listening to it right now in my car. Uh. It has that song on it about buttons like convenience store mirrors. Yeah. Really great."

He said, "Yeah, that's me. Thanks. Glad you like it," and tipped me like 50%.

So, it was Dave Berman from The Silver Jews. The album I was talking about was American Water. I found out later that this was right around the time he attempted suicide after moving to Tennessee for a woman that broke up with him.

TRUE STORY!

[Aszurom]

In the Nick Cage movie "Firebirds", the Apache used for the airfield ground shots was my roomate's bird. I was phase maintainance, so I didn't have a bird of my own. However, we did get to meet Cage (dick) and Sean Young (hawt). Tommy Lee Jones apparently turned invisible as soon as the director said "cut". Never did get to see him. Kinda nostalgic to watch that shitty movie because I can name everybody in the background of most scenes.

Also... I once talked to Muddy Mudskipper from Clan Crackwhore for like 10 minutes and had NO CLUE she was a porn star. Sure was hot though.

Once, I toked a bowl with Richard Grey. Then again, EVERYONE has toked a bowl with Richard Grey.

[Rimbo]

All I know is, I want to live life like ElGuapo and post on the internet like Rimbo.

WHEN I POST, VILLAGERS DIE

[Rimbo]

i never tire of saying that

[Lunch of Kong]

WHEN I POST, VILLAGERS DIE

You are the Jack Bauer of the Internet, sir.

[K0NY]

Alright, since you're going to call me stupid anyway, I'll post a real stupid celebrity story or two:
Jennifer Love Hewitt and her boyfriend sat directly in front of my friend and me at a Ranger's game a few years back in Madison Square Garden. The staff was fawning over her and bringing her goody bags and stuff. Fans were coming up to ask for autographs. We decided to leave them alone, but they struck up conversations with us. J. Love was being super accomodating to her fans and signing stuff all the time. So I lean over to her man and say, "Man, it must suck to go everywhere and have people constantly hounding your girl and acting like you're invisible." He agreed that it sucked and didn't say much else after that. In talking to him, I thought his face looked familar, but couldn't place him. When I got home, I happened to see his face again on VH1. He was the singer from Train.

[Squirrel Killer]

He was the singer from Train.
You didn't happen to catch his name, did you?

[DerekSnider]

..So I lean over to her man and say, "Man, it must suck to go everywhere and have people constantly hounding your girl and acting like you're invisible." He agreed that it sucked and didn't say much else after that.

Kinda hard to notice anyone else when you're looking at those...err..her.

[stusser]

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Was this the 1996 jennifer love hewitt or the 2006 jennifer love hewitt? The years haven't treated her well.

[charmtrap]

I took an order for an oxygen tank from Harlan Ellison...over the phone but still...He was pretty surly.

It is indeed a true story.

[K0NY]

You didn't happen to catch his name, did you?
Pat Monahan is his name. Pock marks are a bitch.

Edit: This happened about a year after the 9/11 attacks.

[DerekSnider]

Was this the 1996 jennifer love hewitt or the 2006 jennifer love hewitt? The years haven't treated her well.

Does it matter? She's still got those great tata's.

[Rimbo]

You are the Jack Bauer of the Internet, sir.

I had to use Google to find out who "Jack Bauer" was.



(i still don't know who he is)

[Nelson]

When I was a kid, I sat next to Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee-Wee Herman, at a baseball game (Giants vs. Phillies). This was before his fondness for pornography became common knowledge. When the Jumbotron spotted him, he actually did the "Tequila" dance in the stands.

I also got yelled at by the chief judge at the trial of Saddam Hussein.

TRUE STORIES.

Nelson

[Lunch of Kong]

Jack Bauer is the lead character of the counterterrorist TV series '24', played by Keifer Sutherland. He's the guy who is always shouting to people that if they don't do as he says, millions of people will die.

[Lunch of Kong]

I also got yelled at by the chief judge at the trial of Saddam Hussein.

Did you crush his head?

[Raife]

I had to use Google to find out who "Jack Bauer" was.

(i still don't know who he is)

Dude.

[Pogue Mahone]

My tale of crossing paths with the famous is pretty weak, but I've enjoyed reading this stuff so much that I figure I might as well just jump right into the spirit of things.

I went to college in Louisiana, and all state schools get time off for Lundi Gras and Mardi Gras - so we always headed to New Orleans to enjoy the festivities. On this particular day, we had enjoyed a late night out and were resting on the river walk down in the French Quarter before turning in for the day. While reclining on a park bench, my friend took note of two lovers passing by arm in arm - after they passed he nudged me and said, 'Did you see them? That was Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger!' I said no way, like you do (I was entirely focused on staying upright), but the boardwalk is closed on the other end so we knew they would pass back by to leave. I scrutinized them in my bleary drunken sort of way and sure enough, it was as my friend said. I was going to leave them in peace, but my friend blurts out 'I loved you in Red October!' - and as they pass by Alec turns back and does one of those winks with a cocking and firing hand motion at my friend.

It might even be true!

[Zylon]

WHEN I POST, VILLAGERS DIE
But is your name a killing word?

No. No it isn't.

[RichVR]

Long ago in a simpler time... ::wavy flashback graphics::

I worked as a bouncer at a place in NYC called Kenny's Castaways. It's a rock&roll bar that has live music every night. Debbie Harry walked in and I was completely starstruck. This was the mid to late 1980's. I said, "Hey, I loved you in Videodrome!" See, I was going for the I-know-that-you-are-a-rock-star-but-I-want-to-show-you-that-I-see-you-as-a-movie-star-thing. She smiled and said thanks. Then I said, "Man you've lost a lot of weight." See, for a while there she had kinda been heavier...

Debbie Harry gave me a dirty look once. And walked away.

LAME BUT TRUE

[Steve Canyon]

"Man you've lost a lot of weight."

That line never works for me, either. That and, "Wanna bone?" Neither one ever works. Hard to believe, but it's TRUE STORY!

[BaconTastesGood]

See, I was going for the I-know-that-you-are-a-rock-star-but-I-want-to-show-you-that-I-see-you-as-a-movie-star-thing.

I had this vision of doing something similar to Summer Glau at Dragoncon. She's geek famous as River in FireFly, but she was on an episode of Cold Case once. I want to be like, "OMG, it's you! You're that girl from that Cold Case episode!"

Speaking of which, I was in Harry's Whole Foods Market and the butcher is this girl that was on Good Eats at least once. I was like "Weren't you on Good Eats once?" and she was all "Uh...I dunno, maybe, Alton Brown does a lot of his show in here"

And I'm thinking, "How do you not know if you're being filmed for Good Eats?!" Saw the episode I was thinking of and it was definitely her.

[Damien Falgoust]

Jack Bauer is the lead character of the counterterrorist TV series '24', played by Keifer Sutherland. He's the guy who is always shouting to people that if they don't do as he says, millions of people will die. This image never gets old:

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/1204/24starbucks3sdzj3.gif

[RichVR]

Heh, Eric Roberts came into Kenny's one night. It was a a Friday and we were packed. I saw who it was and comped him all night. We had a few drinks together and near the end of the night I told him that he was, "Fucking great in The Pope of Greenwich Village." He gave me an autograph that said, "Fucking-A I was. Eric Roberts."

That was cool and a TRUE STORY.

[DerekSnider]

sorry, couldn't help myself.

[Zylon]

This image never gets old:
All I want for Christmas is intense suffering upon all those who spell espresso as "expresso".

[dannimal]

I have shared planes with John Pinette, as well as Tom Jackson and Sterling Sharpe (probably 8-9 years ago, they were flying from White Plains (leaving Bristol, prolly) to Detroit. We all got the joy of weather forcing us to delay and land in Rochester.

I thought they were cool because they had portable DVD players and I had a 2 year old girl, which isn't nearly as good at passing time at 1am grounded in Rochester.

I also watched James Earl Jones shuffle vapidly onto a plane wearing an ill-fitting Verizon hat.

When I was younger, we went to the Silverdome to see a WWF house event. Leaping Lanny Poffo (pre-heel turn) kind of hopped out from behind a pillar and startled/greeted my dad, my younger brother, and me. My brother was terrified.

All TRUE STORIES!

[RichVR]

Another Kenny's Castaways story.

I was at Kenny's when John Popper and The Blues Traveler's first played there. Pat Kenny threw them off of the stage and told them that they sucked and would never make it as a band.

No disrespect to Pat who was a great man. I loved the guy.

But John couldn't believe it. We went over to the Bitter End and had a few drinks. John swore that he'd prove Pat wrong. And then he stole our best sound guy, Bob, and took him on tour. BT seems to have made it. Sorry Pat.

TRUE FUCKIN' STORY

[tork]

When I was about 11 years old, I went to the movies with my friend Jon, who is, as far as I know, still not famous. His dad was going to drive us to the theater, and asked if we would mind a little side trip, as he had to drop off some papers pertaining to some project he was working on.

We drive for some outrageously long period of time, like, maybe a half-hour, and pull up in front of a sort of ugly white house with a big sign over the porch that says "Hitsville U.S.A." Jon's dad marches us into the house and introduces us to some guy named Berry Gordy.

We are totally unimpressed.

There doesn't seem to be anybody else in the ugly white house, and Jon and I wander around inside while his dad talks to the Berry Gordy guy. It's really boring. There are a lot of record albums on the walls, though, and there's one with a picture of a lady on the front where you can't really tell if it's a boy or a girl. When I look at the picture, it kind of gives me a funny feeling in my pants.


As an adult, I find looking back at this day really depressing; whether that's because I met Berry Gordy and didn't even know how enough to think it was cool, or because Diana Ross gave me a boner, I may never know.

Uh, TRUE STORY!

[stusser]

Hey, I go to kenny's all the time. A real shithole, but I like the balcony. I usually hit the red lion next door.

[RichVR]

Hey, I go to kenny's all the time. A real shithole, but I like the balcony. I usually hit the red lion next door.

Even since they put in all the neat neon and TVs? BTW, the Back Fence is next door. The Red Lion is on the next block.

Just saying.

[Matthew Gallant]

Leaping Lanny Poffo (pre-heel turn) kind of hopped out from behind a pillar
He leapt, you knob. He was LEAPING Lanny Poffo.

[Rimbo]

Long ago in a simpler time... ::wavy flashback graphics::

I worked as a bouncer at a place in NYC called Kenny's Castaways. It's a rock&roll bar that has live music every night. Debbie Harry walked in and I was completely starstruck. This was the mid to late 1980's. I said, "Hey, I loved you in Videodrome!" See, I was going for the I-know-that-you-are-a-rock-star-but-I-want-to-show-you-that-I-see-you-as-a-movie-star-thing. She smiled and said thanks. Then I said, "Man you've lost a lot of weight." See, for a while there she had kinda been heavier...

Debbie Harry gave me a dirty look once. And walked away.

LAME BUT TRUE

That's even better than my Eric Clapton story.

[JScott]

I once told Robert Jordan that he was my second favorite author and that David Eddings was my favorite. Oh, how times have changed.

True story.

[Hanzii]

Also... I once talked to Muddy Mudskipper from Clan Crackwhore for like 10 minutes and had NO CLUE she was a porn star. Sure was hot though.


Just like BaconTasteGood's first post meant nothing to me, and most on ElGuapos list doesn't blip on my celebrity radar - this sentence is absolute gibberish to me. This is another reason why this thread rules: One mans celebrity is another mans "Whut?"

[Hanzii]

I once interviewed Moby and tried to be really cool, because I was a fan - I fell down a flight of stairs going to the trailer where the interview was...

I interviewed Bloodhound Gang once and we only talked about Star Wars because I loved the line "I'm kinda like Han Solo, always stroking my own wookie".

[K0NY]

I've had a couple of instances of messing with celebrities. My wife pointed out Stephen King and his wife shopping in the same small pharmacy as us on the upper West side. I made sure nobody was around to harass them if I made a scene. Then, to make my wife laugh, I yelled out from about ten feet away, "Oh wow! You're like my favorite author EVER! I won't bother you for an autograph or anything, but may I please just shake your hand?" I walked over and shook Mrs. Stephen King's hand then turned around and left.

The other time involved Eddie Murphy. Around the time "RAW" was popular, he happened to be shooting "Boomerang" in the same building where MTV had it's studios. My friends and I were waiting in line to get into the same building.

One of the bits Eddie had in his comedy concert talked about how foreigners would always yell out "Hey meester fuck you man! I know you!" where ever he went. I spotted Murphy rushing into the building where my friends and I were waiting, surrounded by a posse of eight or so. In my best foreign accent I yelled his own words to him, "Hey meester fuck you man!" He slowed his pace and turned in my direction so I finished, "I know you!" pointing my finger. He started chuckling in his patented Eddie Murphy style and flashed the big Kool Aid smile at me, then continue into the building. My friends thought I was a hero for making Eddie Murphy laugh.

[ElGuapo]

I didn't even know who "Train" was until I heard them play, after we hung out with them, and they did that "Virginia" song. All I remember is there was a guy who had dark messed up hair that looked like a rock guy, a guy with blonde hair who also was all shaggy, and maybe a bald guy. I think the guy with the dark hair was the lead singer, maybe. They all talked and looked like unemployed losers to me. The blonde guy told my friend and I that our girlfriends were hot. I didn't know whether to be offended or complimented. Seriously, every famous rock star person I've met has been kind of quiet and you wouldn't even notice them at a party if they weren't famous.

I mean, have you seen Billy Joel recently? If he wasn't famous and you saw him at a party, you'd be like "Who's divorced loser Dad is here?"

[Kitus J.]

John Mayer played at my house for my 30th birthday party in Atlanta. My wife hired him for $300 (we met him at Eddie's Attic). Really nice guy who can play the shit out of a guitar.

TRUE STORY.