MrAngryFace
07-26-2006, 03:26 PM
There was a lull at work today, so I made my way to the train of vending machines looking for a tasty treat.
I got a lot of ones back when I paid for my breakfast so money was not an obstacle.
I surveyed what was left to choose from. Crystal Creek cheeseburger. Yum I thought. I noticed a drawing of a lady on the front smiling. The art was in the style of the 60s soda pop shop, or maybe it was from the 60s. Who is to say. I put im my 1.10 and pressed enter.
I knew it wouldnt be enough, so I picked my side dish. Two jimmy dean sausage biscuits. Delicious. My mouth was watering as I entered the 1.10 and pressed enter. Jimmy Dean micowavable breakfast treats are well known for their quality and flavor.
I unwrapped the burger and looked inside the cardboard carton is was nestled in. Frozen bread with frozen onions, cheese (?) and some hamburger (?) was staring me in the face. Gray is a weird color for meat, but I assumed the natural juices of the meat would cook it to the correct color.
However the microwave foodstuffs lacked instructions, so I guessed a minute and shoved it in the microwave. I pulled it out and to my disappointment the meat had not changed color. I put it back in for 20 seconds and said a prayer.
I gave up the second time and decided to eat it. I must say the texture of this treat was an exploration of senses I hadnt visted before, and probably won't visit ever again. Somehow the Crystal Creek Microwave Hamurger Company had reproduced the experience of eating a corpse.
I ran my tongue over my teeth trying to cleanse my pallet for the second round. Surely Jimmy Dean could deliver me from this mistake and provide the delicious game-breaking home run required to enjoy the rest of my day.
Ding.
I reached in and pulled out my minature sausage biscuits which were no doubt fortified with the spit and vinegar that fuels football teams of the mid-west. I took a bite at the edge and the biscuit crumbled in my mouth as if I had placed a cat turd found in a litter box in its place. The grease of the sausage made the entire experience a little weird.
The value in this selection is that I had two sausage biscuits, one cooked more than enough, the other not at all. From the greasy dried biscuit I made a quick journey to the land of frozen bread and grease. I dont think there is anything, save what can be provided by the fine folks at Crystal Creek that can be compared to the curious gift Jimmy Dean had given me this day.
I got a lot of ones back when I paid for my breakfast so money was not an obstacle.
I surveyed what was left to choose from. Crystal Creek cheeseburger. Yum I thought. I noticed a drawing of a lady on the front smiling. The art was in the style of the 60s soda pop shop, or maybe it was from the 60s. Who is to say. I put im my 1.10 and pressed enter.
I knew it wouldnt be enough, so I picked my side dish. Two jimmy dean sausage biscuits. Delicious. My mouth was watering as I entered the 1.10 and pressed enter. Jimmy Dean micowavable breakfast treats are well known for their quality and flavor.
I unwrapped the burger and looked inside the cardboard carton is was nestled in. Frozen bread with frozen onions, cheese (?) and some hamburger (?) was staring me in the face. Gray is a weird color for meat, but I assumed the natural juices of the meat would cook it to the correct color.
However the microwave foodstuffs lacked instructions, so I guessed a minute and shoved it in the microwave. I pulled it out and to my disappointment the meat had not changed color. I put it back in for 20 seconds and said a prayer.
I gave up the second time and decided to eat it. I must say the texture of this treat was an exploration of senses I hadnt visted before, and probably won't visit ever again. Somehow the Crystal Creek Microwave Hamurger Company had reproduced the experience of eating a corpse.
I ran my tongue over my teeth trying to cleanse my pallet for the second round. Surely Jimmy Dean could deliver me from this mistake and provide the delicious game-breaking home run required to enjoy the rest of my day.
Ding.
I reached in and pulled out my minature sausage biscuits which were no doubt fortified with the spit and vinegar that fuels football teams of the mid-west. I took a bite at the edge and the biscuit crumbled in my mouth as if I had placed a cat turd found in a litter box in its place. The grease of the sausage made the entire experience a little weird.
The value in this selection is that I had two sausage biscuits, one cooked more than enough, the other not at all. From the greasy dried biscuit I made a quick journey to the land of frozen bread and grease. I dont think there is anything, save what can be provided by the fine folks at Crystal Creek that can be compared to the curious gift Jimmy Dean had given me this day.