Embarassing question.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to ask this question here, but I trust my fellow gamers to help me out here...

Well, my parents were out of town this weekend and my girlfriend and I sort of got in the hot tub and things got hot and we just sort of did it, you know. It was hot, man, but now I've got a problem...

How do you get the sperm out of the hot tub afterwards?

Sorry to be so up front about this question, but my parents are coming back and they love nothing better than to sink into the hot tub after a long road trip. This has got me totally freaked out.

My girlfriend said to just go ahead and leave it, that the chlorine would take care of it, but I'm kind of afraid that if things went wrong that my mom could get pregnant. That would be wrong, dude... I can't tell you how fucking wrong!

So, please, dudes, help me out here. What do you use to get the jizz out of the jacuzzi? A leaf net? I'm fucking goin' nuts here tryin' to figure out how I'm going to explain this if I can't get the ball juice.

Thanks, folks. Hope this isn't too raw for y'all.

[Monkeybutt]

I'm sorry to ask this question here, but I trust my fellow gamers to help me out here...

Well, my parents were out of town this weekend and my girlfriend and I sort of got in the hot tub and things got hot and we just sort of did it, you know. It was hot, man, but now I've got a problem...

How do you get the sperm out of the hot tub afterwards?

Sorry to be so up front about this question, but my parents are coming back and they love nothing better than to sink into the hot tub after a long road trip. This has got me totally freaked out.

My girlfriend said to just go ahead and leave it, that the chlorine would take care of it, but I'm kind of afraid that if things went wrong that my mom could get pregnant. That would be wrong, dude... I can't tell you how fucking wrong!

So, please, dudes, help me out here. What do you use to get the jizz out of the jacuzzi? A leaf net? I'm fucking goin' nuts here tryin' to figure out how I'm going to explain this if I can't get the ball juice.

Thanks, folks. Hope this isn't too raw for y'all.


:shock:

Post of the Month! :lol:

[Murph]

Ummm...I'm not expert, and I certainly feel for you situation, but I wouldn't be too worried about getting your mom pregnant. I don't think the sperm will survive for long in a hot tub. In ideal conditions, sperm has a lifespan of about 72 hours. In a hot tub, I'd expect that to be way less. So, don't sweat that part. Seriously, don't sweat that part.

I really don't know what to do to "get rid of it", though, so you may just have to be prepared to 'fess up.

[Brad Grenz]

Crank up the heat and cook it off?
Draw a picture of an unfertilized egg and set it next to the Spas and watch the poor little bastards as they jump out of the water one-by-one, and onto the picture?
You can't just drain the spas, clean it and fill it back up?

[AIM]

ROFLMAO

hahha, is this a joke or what.....

:D

Personally, you should have nutted in her mouth. Their, problem solved......

:D

[Aszurom]

For a long time, my mom has told me that I was born of a besmirched bathtub. However, my sister apparently came from the lower ring - at least that's what I tell her.

If there's any sort of chemicals in that water at all, then the little wigglies were deader than fuck the instant they hit it. The BIG question here is - WHY THE FUCK WEREN'T YOU WEARING A CONDOM... DADDY? Please name the child Chet or Erik - if it's a girl, Sparky.

Now, that's not a real "incident" in my opinion. A "real" incident would be like what I had several years ago. I was 18, just got home from Basic Training, and my highschool girlfriend decided to give it up. She had previously told me she wasn't a virgin. She lied. Now, I've got my mom's car and a big puddle of blood in the seat. Nah, she won't notice THAT will she? So, I stop down at the carwash and try to do something with it in the middle of the night - which is the cue for the town cop to pull over and say "Hey, what's up? How's your mom? WHAT THE HELL DIED IN YOUR MOM'S CAR?!"

That, sir, is a situation. Also, figure into this that my mom was DATING said cop at the time. Now you have hilarity.

[Anonymous]

That, sir, is a situation. Also, figure into this that my mom was DATING said cop at the time. Now you have hilarity.

That *is* funny-but I believe that you stole that story from an episode of 'Who's the Boss?',except it was the old lady who was somehow supposed to be so hot that lost her virginity in Tony's car and made the mess.Boy,was Tony pissed!

Err,where's that T.V. Guide thread again....?

[Jason Cross]

Don't they teach you kids anything anymore?

If you've got time to post about it on a message board and wait for an answer, the sperm are already dead.

[TimElhajj]

edit

[Wholly Schmidt]

I'm certain we can work photon milk into this solution somewhere.

[Mark Asher]

"If you've got time to post about it on a message board and wait for an answer, the sperm are already dead."

Hey, speak for yourself. Ted Williams' son has frozen my sperm...

...and man, are my nuts cold!

[Anonymous]

Once sperm comes in contact with oxygen it no longer lives as it does internally. That's why if you jack on your girls face it doesn't "swim" up to her hair. It's dead!

Sex Ed Boys! 5th Grade! Yikes!

[TimElhajj]

edit

[Mark Asher]

This is an Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex moment. Imagine the little sperms.

"What? He's in a hot tub? It's not enough now we have to swim up the birth canal? Now we have to backstroke through 500 gallons of water? Maybe the sperm of Mark Spitz could do this, but last I looked the only medal this guy has is for masturbating the most times to the same issue of Cosmopolitan -- I lost a lot of close relatives to that issue. Uh, you guys go without me. I left my speedos in the locker. Ew, it's so murky out there -- don't they ever change the water? I could get a disease. I'll probably impregnate a frog by mistake. Is now the wrong time to admit that I flunked sperm swimming class? Does anyone have a pair of water wings I could borrow?"

[Anonymous]

Bad news.

I got the visible strands of sperm out with a spaghetti strainer, which I hid under my bed because we're out of detergent.

Mom and dad get home, and everything seems cool for awhile. Then what happens but they call me into the living room. At this point I'm seriously sweating. Mom puts a video tape in the VCR and there up on the screen is me and my girl on video, going at it buck naked on the sofa (we started there, then went to the tub). Turns out they have one of those fucking "nanny cam things?" So what do we spend the next five minutes doing but watching this fucking video in silence. Then I got sent to my room, and haven't heard what the hell they're thinking about all of this yet. I haven't gotten out of my room yet, as I don't want to face the parents and hear what they have to say about all of this.

I guess I should have known they would have been suspicious about the skidmarks on their leather sofa, but what a bunch of fucking assholes these parents think they are. shit... My girlfriend probably thinks I'm a pussy now.

[Monkeybutt]

Can you send the tape to me? I need some porn. :lol:

[Jason McCullough]

Bad news.

I got the visible strands of sperm out with a spaghetti strainer, which I hid under my bed because we're out of detergent.

Mom and dad get home, and everything seems cool for awhile. Then what happens but they call me into the living room. At this point I'm seriously sweating. Mom puts a video tape in the VCR and there up on the screen is me and my girl on video, going at it buck naked on the sofa (we started there, then went to the tub). Turns out they have one of those fucking "nanny cam things?" So what do we spend the next five minutes doing but watching this fucking video in silence. Then I got sent to my room, and haven't heard what the hell they're thinking about all of this yet. I haven't gotten out of my room yet, as I don't want to face the parents and hear what they have to say about all of this.

I guess I should have known they would have been suspicious about the skidmarks on their leather sofa, but what a bunch of fucking assholes these parents think they are. shit... My girlfriend probably thinks I'm a pussy now.

Talk about your trolling.

[Monkeybutt]

Talk about your trolling.

But it's an amusing troll and we don't see many of those anymore.

[James Galimo]

Good Lord, kid! That's quite a weekend you had. Do you mind if I jot some of this down? I'm writing the screenplay for American Pie 3, and there's some good stuff here.

Here's what I've got:

You're mother is approaching the door to your room, where you just finished having sex with Stiffler's mom. When you hear her knock on the knock on the door, you launch Stiffler's mom out the window, and you hide in the closet. Getting no answer, she opens your door and begins snooping through your room (as all mothers do). Looking under your bed for girlie magazines, she finds the "semenized" strainer. She grabs it and leaves wondering how it got under there. Cut to next scene:

"IT'S SPAGHETTI NIGHT!"

In the scene after that, you find yourself superglued to Shannon Elizabeth, and you live happily ever after (although she doesn't).

[AIM]

You should have nutted in a wine glass and you should have drank it. That would have showed your girl that you love her.

Umm.... creamy and gooey!


:D

[AIM]

Good Lord, kid! That's quite a weekend you had. Do you mind if I jot some of this down? I'm writing the screenplay for American Pie 3, and there's some good stuff here.

Here's what I've got:

You're mother is approaching the door to your room, where you just finished having sex with Stiffler's mom. When you hear her knock on the knock on the door, you launch Stiffler's mom out the window, and you hide in the closet. Getting no answer, she opens your door and begins snooping through your room (as all mothers do). Looking under your bed for girlie magazines, she finds the "semenized" strainer. She grabs it and leaves wondering how it got under there. Cut to next scene:

"IT'S SPAGHETTI NIGHT!"

In the scene after that, you find yourself superglued to Shannon Elizabeth, and you live happily ever after (although she doesn't).

Of how about.....

Your having sex with Stiffler's mom, but you don't nut yet. Then your mom knocks on the door and Stiffler's mom bolts out the window while you hide in the closet. Then you see your momma bending over and she's not wearing and undies. :shock:

Then you remember that she's just your step mom and you grab her from behind and do the nasty. Then all hell breaks lose and you go nuts and go on a killing spree.

end of story :D

[Murph]

Wow...I never dreamed it possible, but this thread's actually taken a turn for the worse.

[Anonymous]

Very funny guys...

But please don't make me regret trusting the gaming community. I'm in a buttload of trouble. Any help would be definitely appreciated.

If I could stay at someone's house for a couple nights, that might help this blow over. (No conjugal visits; I'll see my girlfriend at the mall...) If anyone in the Dallas Metroplex area can help out, lemme know. I have my own car.

[Murph]

Aw, come on man!! It's not as bad as it seems from where you sit. I promise, people have gotten into worse.

I mean, what kind of advice are you looking for? Talk to your parents, see how they feel about the whole deal. How old are you, anyway? That hasn't come up yet, but might have some bearing on the course of the conversation.

Bottom line: Your parents aren't gonna trust you for awhile. Do you blame them? Put yourself in your parents shoes (I know, that's hard to do) and ask yourself how you'd react. Would you want your son knocking some girl up or getting some funky disease at your age?

My wife (who had some of her own skeletons until recently) also wants me to tell you this: Sometimes, your parents learning things that you didn't want them to know -- and they always find out -- isn't as bad as you think it's gonna be.

They're your parents. They're always gonna love you. This'll blow over, and you'll live through it.

[James Galimo]

Okay, seriously. First of all, don't leave. I don't know how old you are, but I am guessing you're 16-17. Running away, even for a couple of days, will only make the situation worse.

Apologize to your folks, yeah, it sounds corny, but you screwed up (and in various other directions, for that matter). Keep in mind that your parents still care about you (I'm just making an assumption on that, but they're supposed to).

Your mother is upset because you're no longer the innocent youngster she brought up. Your father (who may internally be proud of you for getting some) is pissed off about the mess you made on his couch. So, an apology is defintely in order. Talk it out with your folks. See what it'll take to make things right.

And above all, destroy that tape.

Bear in mind, I have no idea of the relationship you have with your parents. But you asked for help. Here's what I got for you.

[AIM]

ROFLMAO....

Some of these posts are too funny. Especially mine :D

[Alan Au]

I'd have to second the comments about owning up to your folks. They're your parents. They'll give you hell, but they'll still love you anyway. Well, you had the misfortune to get caught, so you might as well own up to it and figure out how to get back on your parents' good side.

Yeah, it sounds cliché and all, but these are probably the same parents that will end up fronting you money for your first house down payment some day. *heh*

Oh, and yeah, might be nice to find a discreet way of getting rid of that tape, preferably in a way that won't piss your parents off.

- Alan

[Bub, Andrew]

Mom puts a video tape in the VCR and there up on the screen is me and my girl on video, going at it buck naked on the sofa (we started there, then went to the tub). Turns out they have one of those fucking "nanny cam things?" So what do we spend the next five minutes doing but watching this fucking video in silence. Then I got sent to my room, and haven't heard what the hell they're thinking about all of this yet.

Have they stopped watching the tape yet?
I think my mom would have stopped at well under a minute. Is there something wrong with your parents?

[Menzo]

Your parents should be most upset that you didn't use a condom.

Seriously, put a jimmy hat on - who knows where this chick has been (she banged you, didn't she?) and you don't want to be a daddy. Don't be stupid, wrap it up.

If this is really a true story, your parents are probably sighing with relief that all they have to deal with is underage sex and not ecstasy or crack or things like that.

[Sparky]

I got the visible strands of sperm out with a spaghetti strainer

This is the point where we really must burst into song: "Every Sperm Is Sacred" from Monty Python's "The Meaning Of Life". We've got enough folks here to do the whole production number. C'mon everyone! I'll be Michael Palin...Mark, can your kids dress up like street urchins and do backflips? Who wants to be a nun?

[hido]

Word of advice: DON'T EVER FILM YOURSELF HAVING SEX! You're not gonna look cool and someone at some point in your life, now, next year, or in twenty years is going to find it and make you pay.

[Brad Grenz]

Maybe your parents are into it? Maybe there's a disturbing incestuous three way in your future!

[Kool Moe Dee]

Can we have a new forum created, Too Much Information?

[Kyle Wilson]

I. Love. QuarterToThree.

(But not in like a gay way.)

[Mark Asher]

I think this kid's winding us up. I thought that with the first post. Now I'm more convinced.

[Murph]

Maybe so. But is there any harm in playing along? :)

Especially in the event that he could actually be serious. We'll probably never know for sure, but what harm does it do, really?

[Kyle Wilson]

We'll probably never know for sure, but what harm does it do, really?

You mean, we'll never know for sure... unless he posts the video.

Really, kid. It's the only way to prove you're legit.

:twisted:

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to ask this question here, but I trust my fellow gamers to help me out here...

First of all your insane...


How do you get the sperm out of the hot tub afterwards? My girlfriend said to just go ahead and leave it, that the chlorine would take care of it, but I'm kind of afraid that if things went wrong that my mom could get pregnant. That would be wrong, dude... I can't tell you how fucking wrong!

What you don't wanna be you brothers father? Daddy brother! Next time be more careful, just use your parents bed.

Anyways... chlorine and bromine both kill sperm on contact. Also hot tubs have filters which will filter out anything that is in the water within a few hours... sperm isnt the most robust substance and at worst, a few hours or so will have killed it in tap water even. Sperm breaks down over time and becomes a thinner liquid as the protein compounds in it unravel... there shouldn't be any visible residue unless you dumped a glass or two worth in there.

[Aszurom]

Don't ever film yourself having sex...

http://www.brothersgibb.org/weareoneimages/r-kelly-news.jpghttp://graphics.x10.com/images8/xcamKit_hotdeal.gif


Shadus,

You can vouch for the truthfulness of my tale... tell 'em I'm not making that shit up.

[Anonymous]

I just want you all to know that this has made its way over onto an infertility forum, where the ladies are all ROTFLTAO!!!

The Great and Mighty Ox

[Anonymous]

Give us a link to the URL!

[Anonymous]

No way, man! We don't need anyone to be mean to us. Some of us are on hormone drugs and stuff and might go kind of CRAZY!!!

We just thought it was funny because one of the big infertility no-nos is to STAY OUT OF HOT TUBS!!! So the thought of someone thinking that you can get pg in one is, well, so "out there."

Oxy

[Anonymous]

Ummm...I'm not expert.

YOU SHOULD MAKE THAT YOUR SIG.