For the vampire who's tired of coffins ...

[Derek Meister]

... comes the Quantum Sleeper (http://www.qsleeper.com/).

[Alan Au]

We've traced the calls... they're coming from inside the bed.

- Alan

[Brian Rubin]

The features list doesn't mention, "Protection from the fucking idiots who would buy this crap", so no sale.

[nutsak]

Oh yes! It's made of wood. I'd feel really safe knowing that if someone wanted to kil me all they had to do was set it on fire.

[Brian Koontz]

Oh yes! It's made of wood. I'd feel really safe knowing that if someone wanted to kil me all they had to do was set it on fire.

Mate, you know very well if someone wanted to kill you they'd sneak out from behind the bushes, stealthily break into your home, and kill you in your bed ;).

{Murderer thinks to himself while noticing the wooden box}: I'm not looking for a damn vampire, I'm looking for nutsak. Where could he be? {fumes angrily}

Wooden Box is heralded as Local Hero! Suddenly, sleeping in wooden boxes is the New Hipness and the Goth population of Australia becomes sexually available to nutsak, preferably while IN a wooden box.


Or... you know... you could *fear* sleeping in wooden boxes, avoid them entirely, and none of this would happen. Its your call.

[Talisker]

Oh yes! It's made of wood. I'd feel really safe knowing that if someone wanted to kil me all they had to do was set it on fire.
The quantum sleeper is most certainly not made of mere wood:

The bullet proof polycarbonate barrier is designed to stop bullet penetration, blows from impact, forced entry and provide a sealed temporary safe room and environment from burglars, terrorist or harmful gasses and also provide protection from the destructive forces of tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods.
And check out the defensive options!

The unit can also be fitted with defensive devices customized to the requests of the purchasers such as tear gas spray, robotic arms, or projectile weaponry.
If the robot arms allow for sufficiently sensitive, dextrous motion, maybe we should all pitch in to buy one of these for Koontz.

[Ben Sones]

Quantum Sleepers can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods.

Okay, earthquakes maybe, but I'd like to know how that thin is supposed to protect you from tornados and floods (and hurricanes, which often have both). I mean, unless it floats or magically dampens the inertia when a tornado picks the thing up and hurls it into the side of a building at 270 mph, I think you'd be better off just seeking high ground or a basement, respectively. OTOH, it's convenient for your next of kin, since your corpse will come ready-sealed in a big wooden box.

[Duality]

Are you sure there's no disclaimer that says it protects in tornadoes and hurricanes if its already in the basement?

Honestly, I was half convinced it was a fake site. I guess this is real?

[Odysseus]

Why not some robotic legs, too? And a PPC, some LRM-20s, a few heat sinks...best bed ever!

[Duality]

I'd like track-treads on the bottom that allow it to drive to a minimum safe distance in case of nuclear attack.

[Nick Walter]

Why not some robotic legs, too? And a PPC, some LRM-20s, a few heat sinks...best bed ever!

Bah, it needs an AC-20 before I can sleep in it

[VegasRobb]

Why not some robotic legs, too? And a PPC, some LRM-20s, a few heat sinks...best bed ever!

Bah, it needs an AC-20 before I can sleep in it

Can it Death From Above?

[Nick Walter]

Why not some robotic legs, too? And a PPC, some LRM-20s, a few heat sinks...best bed ever!

Bah, it needs an AC-20 before I can sleep in it

Can it Death From Above?

Not while I'm sleeping.

[Jason Levine]

Quantum Sleepers can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods.

Okay, earthquakes maybe, but I'd like to know how that thin is supposed to protect you from tornados and floods (and hurricanes, which often have both). I mean, unless it floats or magically dampens the inertia when a tornado picks the thing up and hurls it into the side of a building at 270 mph, I think you'd be better off just seeking high ground or a basement, respectively. OTOH, it's convenient for your next of kin, since your corpse will come ready-sealed in a big wooden box.

They've got you covered in the specs:

Hurricane/Tornado/Earthquake/Flood Resistant:

The Quantum Sleeper Unit must be located on a ground floor with a concrete slab foundation in order to anchor it to a solid base to resist the forces of wind and water if the unit will include these features.

Fire Resistant:

The Quantum Sleeper Unit must be located on a ground level to prevent falling through floor structure as a result of fire damage if the unit will include this feature.

Size/Shape:

Units of a size or shape other than the basic queen size will require additional considerations and will be addressed prior to the purchase of the unit.

As for the death from above question:

Structural Support:

The basic Quantum Sleeper Unit weights approximately 2000lbs and it is therefore recommended that the installation of the unit on levels other than the ground floor be certified by a PE in civil engineering prior to installation.

So, yeah, if you put it above the ground floor, it's definitely got that capability. :wink:

[Hanzii]

The unit can also be fitted with defensive devices customized to the requests of the purchasers such as tear gas spray, robotic arms, or projectile weaponry.

Mine's fitted with this http://www.metalstorm.com/13_techdemo/verification_images/bertha01.jpg

... and an outboard motor in case of a 40 day flood.

[Chowhound]

Now we know what Cleve sleeps in.

[Supertanker]

Here's my favorite bit, from the page about the Lite Sleeper:

The average cost of the Quantum Sleeper is estimated at about $160,000.00.

That's a lot of copies of Grimoire.

[derek_hutch]

That would be just perfect for my gimp!