Porn is Boring - the New Paradigm in Sexual Voyeurism

[Brian Koontz]

Before I saw porn I thought it was really cool. It was still pretty cool after a few viewings. Then the porn actresses started becoming unattractive to me.

For starters, they are shitty actresses. Great actresses make themselves look all the hotter. Models do the same thing. Laetitia Casta may have a world class body, but the way she and photographers present her adds even more. Carmen Electra on the other hand, with an outstanding body as well, never looks nearly as hot. Laetitia Casta understands how to make herself look good.

When guys talk about their dream women, they inevitably name an actress or a model, and not a porn star. Actresses add a lot of value to their physical attributes by having a good surrounding context (a movie or TV show), while great models specialize in being super sexy.

Look at the faces of porn actresses. They have a kind of tired look... this look is even more pronounced on male porn stars. They also have an incredibly jaded attitude toward sex (which is realistic, but not appealing).

There is more money in the top ranks of acting and modelling than there is in porn, and more respect as well. This does tend to push the elite physical forms toward these professions.

Yet a few porn actresses, and I'll single out Chasey Lain, have bodies every bit as good as high-grade models, or wet dream inspiring actresses. If Laetitia Casta showed up available on my doorstep, we would spend a week in bed, while I'd have to think about taking Chasey Lain in even for the night.

I just have no interest in watching porn anymore. It doesn't attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it. I'll occasionally watch Krista Allen in some semi-porn, but that's it.

Since models and actresses don't do semi-porn and often don't even have simulated sex in movies (it has to be carefully handled or it lowers their fan appeal), replacing porn with this sort of thing isn't effective.

Isn't the problem with porn that the "actresses" are jaded and perfunctory and boring? Sex is hot, but they make sex NOT hot, a real accomplishment.

The solution then is to introduce Real Sex. That is to say, film normal (attractive) people having sex with distribution handled as it is now for porn. The idea is that this is a hobby for the people filmed, it doesn't become their livelihood and thus they don't turn into the traditional problem. Some of the popular stars of Real Sex would become porn actresses... it would serve as a kind of farm system for the porn industry.

Perhaps the best procedure is for wannable Real Sex players to film themselves having sex, moderated by a Website with a collection of such, then those that "make the cut" get a professional film crew to increase the quality of their productions and to move to higher revenue distribution.

Net result? The end product is more appealing to the consumer!

[Jason McCullough]

Should we have a contest for writing a response to this?

[DennyA]

Wow, "amateur porn!" What a brilliant idea! I'll bet you could sell not only videos, but even base entire Internet sites around it!

[chet]

Finally, Koontz masturbates about masturbation.

I hope this is his final post because it would be a fitting end to this character.

Chet

[Gourmand]

Wow, "amateur porn!" What a brilliant idea! I'll bet you could sell not only videos, but even base entire Internet sites around it!

I can't stop laughing. You win the prize.

[Joel]

That's a lot of typing with just one hand.

[Gary Whitta]

I just have no interest in watching porn anymore. It doesn't attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it.
The goggles, they do nothing!

[Bill Dungsroman]

Then the porn actresses started becoming unattractive to me.

Carmen Electra on the other hand, with an outstanding body as well, never looks nearly as hot.

They have a kind of tired look... this look is even more pronounced on male porn stars.

I'd have to think about taking Chasey Lain in even for the night.

I just have no interest in watching porn anymore. It doesn't attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it.

Real Sex. Website.

Net result? The end product is more appealing to the consumer!

[Aszurom]

http://www.game-revolution.com/games/ps2/action/celebrity_deathmatch_ron.jpg

Super Porno Bros.

[Ben Sones]

I just have no interest in watching porn anymore. It doesn't attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it.

TOO.

MUCH.

INFORMATION.

[Woolen Horde]

This is like one of those moments when you're hanging out with your best buds, sitting around by the campfire, drinking beer, and shooting the shit, and then one of your friends (or maybe you) miscontrues that What Is Said By The Campfire Stays By The Campfire and says something mortally embarassing, like, "I really like wearing my wife's frilly french lingerie" and then there's this gawdawful loud pause as everyone digests that for what it is.

Man, I hurt my sides laughing.

[Mike Hussey]

Perhaps it's a form of therapy, similar to AA.

'Hello, my name is Brian and I'm a wanker'.

[JD]

Yet a few porn actresses, and I'll single out Chasey Lain, have bodies every bit as good as high-grade models, or wet dream inspiring actresses.
Is that so. (http://www.deansplanet.com/z/images/celebs/no_makeup/chasey_lain.jpg)

Also, totally agreeing with Ben Sones.

[Chris Nahr]

First monster closets and now this. Stop it guys, you're killing me!

[Warlord of Mars]

I suggest we all chip in and buy Koontz a pair of choggle pants.

[DrCrypt]

It doesn't attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it.
You know, Brian, given your complete alienation from the process of having sex with actual women, I figured you were bound to be some sort of idiot savant when it came to pulling your pud. So I'm sort of disappointed that it turns out that you know just as much about pleasuring yourself as you do about the works of Charles Bukowski, Harvey Pekar, Jim Thompson, neo-conservatism, the ethics of rape, Doom's status as the first MMORPG, etc.... absolutely nothing. Here's a hint though: if you have to "work" at masturbating to media that doesn't "attract" you, you're totally missing the point of jerking off. It isn't like doing a dozen push-ups in the morning or memorizing a poem a day or learning Swahili or taking ballroom dancing lessons or something - you don't do it for the personal edification of your soul, you do it because you want to.

The only thing that is more loathsome and creepy than imagining you jerking off in the first place is the apparently commonplace occurrence of you jerking off to things that don't even attract you. Could you do us all a favor and list alphabetically all the things that don't do anything for you? Because since these are the only things you bother jerking off to, I want to avoid inadvertently starting dicussions that might compel you to indulge yourself in another grim-lipped, unblinking and unwanted orgasm. Like linoleum, correct semi-colon usage, Milanovich's astronomic theory, etc.

[Jason McMaster]

Koontz' post is a joke, right? RIGHT?

[Jack]

I'd be willing to bet that the K-man is getting off knowing that so many folks are reading about his masturbatory habits, drawn in like flies to a pitcherplant. What were we expecting from a Koontzian thread? Insight? Sweetness? We all know Koontz' posts can be the mental equivalent of a airplane crash. We come here to pick through the bloody body parts, disembodied brains, tangles of intestines, and shattered bone fragments to see if anything resembles humanity. And now he's enjoying every minute of it. Really enjoying it.

You know what I mean.

So we get what we deserve for this little walk into Koontz' wild side. I hope you all feel dirty. I know I do.

[Jakub]

Hey Brian, maybe you're looking at the wrong kind of porn. You know, with the wrong participants. The Greeks in particular thought women useful only for, you know, breeding... otherwise many of them would engage in other mutually-pleasurable activities.

Just a thought.

[Jakub]

Hey Brian, maybe you're looking at the wrong kind of porn. You know, with the wrong participants. The Greeks in particular thought women useful only for, you know, breeding... otherwise many of them would engage in other mutually-pleasurable activities.

Just a thought.

[Jakub]

Hey Brian, maybe you're looking at the wrong kind of porn. You know, with the wrong participants. The Greeks in particular thought women useful only for, you know, breeding... otherwise many of them would engage in other mutually-pleasurable activities.

Just a thought.

[Jakub]

Hey Brian, maybe you're looking at the wrong kind of porn. You know, with the wrong participants. The Greeks in particular thought women useful only for, you know, breeding... otherwise many of them would engage in other mutually-pleasurable activities.

Just a thought.

[Jakub]

Wow, the dreaded quadruple post. A testament to the sluggish response of QT3 for the better part of a minute. I'm going to keep those up as a monument to the intarweb infrastructure.

The funny thing is it could have been much worse, I was actually testing to see with another browser window if my posts were going through.

[Aszurom]

http://www.deansplanet.com/z/images/celebs/no_makeup/chasey_lain.jpg

http://southernappeal.blogspot.com/lurch.jpg

[Euri]

And why not just delete the extra 3............

[John Many Jars]

This post and his analysis of "Convoy" have me almost convinced that Koontz isn't real. "Convoy" was just too campy and obscure of a choice...And if a delusional mad-scientist shut-in like Koontz were a bona fide expert on anything, it would be porn.

[Jakub]

And why not just delete the extra 3............
Forums don't permit the deletion of any post but the last post in a thread by a user. So if someone already started replying (which apparently they did), the post can't be deleted any more.

[DrCrypt]

I'd be willing to bet that the K-man is getting off knowing that so many folks are reading about his masturbatory habits, drawn in like flies to a pitcherplant.
Well, I think we can all thank our lucky stars for that, because as previously discussed, the only thing Koontz apparently masturbates to are things that don't get him off. Up is down! Left is right! Yeahrggggggggh......

http://www.esplatter.com/images/am/explode.gif

[Squirrel Killer]

Could we, like, not talk about Koontz's mastabatory practices? Please? Christ, I need a lobotomy now.

[Brian Koontz]

Wow, "amateur porn!" What a brilliant idea! I'll bet you could sell not only videos, but even base entire Internet sites around it!

What little amateur porn I've seen is either homemade (non-professional) OR its self-conscious in the same manner as traditional porn, but with even worse actors.

What I'm looking at is high-quality amateur porn that becomes professional, yet retains Realism. Like amateur porn that doesn't play to the camera, yet uses porn-level directing.

I guess you could call it the Next Step for amateur porn. Or... Real Sex.

The idea is really that its not porn at all... that the viewer is watching regular sex that just happens to be filmed (and filmed well). More voyeurism than porn.

[Lunch of Kong]

This reminds of a call-in to a Channel 4 programme with James Whale (and perhaps Mariella Fostrup), where a male caller once stated that he thought he could only be attracted to "hermaphrodite females", and wanted to know where he could find such a woman.

Whale's response (paraphrased) : "There's no such thing as a hermaphrodite female. Maybe you're just gay."

Brian, maybe you're gay.

[Jakub]

What I'm looking at is high-quality amateur porn that becomes professional, yet retains Realism. Like amateur porn that doesn't play to the camera, yet uses porn-level directing.
That's like wanting water without the dihydrogen monoxide.

[Gary Whitta]

The idea is really that its not porn at all... that the viewer is watching regular sex that just happens to be filmed (and filmed well). More voyeurism than porn.
There's a whole world of "gonzo" porn out there that might be exactly what you're looking for. May I suggest you start here:

www.cumfiesta.com

[Robert Sharp]

The idea is really that its not porn at all... that the viewer is watching regular sex that just happens to be filmed (and filmed well). More voyeurism than porn.
There's a whole world of "gonzo" porn out there that might be exactly what you're looking for. May I suggest you start here:

www.cumfiesta.com

Actually, that whole chain is pretty good. they have bignaturals, too, which is good. Just make sure you know what you are paying for.

[Gary Whitta]

The idea is really that its not porn at all... that the viewer is watching regular sex that just happens to be filmed (and filmed well). More voyeurism than porn.
There's a whole world of "gonzo" porn out there that might be exactly what you're looking for. May I suggest you start here:

www.cumfiesta.com

Actually, that whole chain is pretty good. they have bignaturals, too, which is good. Just make sure you know what you are paying for.
I think you actually get about 10 different sites when you sign up for that one. They're all part of the same "family", but not all of them may be your cup of tea.

Oh, and here's a top tip: after you sign up for one of these sites, click on "cancel my membership" and as an incentive to stay you'll be offered a 50% discount.*

* Um, I know this because a friend did it.

[Ben]

Wait, there are people that pay for pornography on the Internet?

[Robert Sharp]

Wait, there are people that pay for pornography on the Internet?

You have to pay for the good stuff. We are talking quality movies here, not just some pics from a gallery. Those are teasers for the good stuff!

[BobJustBob]

I've never been very partial to porn videos. I much prefer porn pics and imagination.

[Bill Dungsroman]

The idea is really that its not porn at all... that the viewer is watching regular sex that just happens to be filmed (and filmed well). More voyeurism than porn.

YEAH, WE GET IT, BRIAN. Jesus.

[JAGuarinc]

Hey, lay off the Koontzman. He's the most respected masturbator on this board by far.

[Duality]

That's because he's the only one we know, definitively, that masturbates! Is someone willing to talk of their self sexploits in order to vie for dominance?

Is this an arena that any wants to vie for dominance in?!

[Mike O'Malley]

That's because he's the only one we know, definitively, that masturbates! Is someone willing to talk of their self sexploits in order to vie for dominance?

Is this an arena that any wants to vie for dominance in?!

Smart money's on Whitta, the man who brought us choggle pants, among other things I never thought of and still wish I hadn't.

[MarchHare]

That's because he's the only one we know, definitively, that masturbates! Is someone willing to talk of their self sexploits in order to vie for dominance?

Is this an arena that any wants to vie for dominance in?!

Didn't denying that one masturbates become pointless shortly after high school? Not that I'm staking any claim to the QT3 Wanker Award, but are we all 14 here?

[Talisker]

Didn't denying that one masturbates become pointless shortly after high school? Not that I'm staking any claim to the QT3 Wanker Award, but are we all 14 here?
Didn't discussing masturbation become pointless shortly after college?

[John Merva]

The idea is really that its not porn at all... that the viewer is watching regular sex that just happens to be filmed (and filmed well). More voyeurism than porn.
There's a whole world of "gonzo" porn out there that might be exactly what you're looking for. May I suggest you start here:

www.cumfiesta.com

And Whitta weighs in with a link. It was only a matter of time.

[Murph]

That's because he's the only one we know, definitively, that masturbates!

I'm relatively certain (but not, uh, "Koontzian" enough to sift through all the posts with some form of the word "masturbation") that Koontz is not the first person to actually admit to masturbation.

I'm just sayin'.

And it bothers me that I even think I remember somebody else making such a statement...

[Brian Koontz]

That's because he's the only one we know, definitively, that masturbates! Is someone willing to talk of their self sexploits in order to vie for dominance?

Is this an arena that any wants to vie for dominance in?!

Smart money's on Whitta, the man who brought us choggle pants, among other things I never thought of and still wish I hadn't.

Now now... if a Qt3 single tract-elimination tournament was held, I'd be lucky to make the Round of 16. My prediction for the Finals is Whitta vs. Tyjenks. Two men enter, one man leaves... with his pants still on.

The Pubic Wars... a battle of Testicular Proportions.

[Gary Whitta]

Don't make me post something from goatse man. Nobody wants that.

[Doug Erickson]

Unlike the titular reference in that classic Harlan Ellison novel, I do in fact have a mouth and I am screaming as loud as I possibly can.

[Bill Dungsroman]

Didn't denying that one masturbates become pointless shortly after high school? Not that I'm staking any claim to the QT3 Wanker Award

Well, I am!

Anyway, the issue here isn't whether or not any of us jerks off. Furthermore, any of you repressed freaks who don't or haven't nope-not-me-huh-uh are bananas and need to stay the heck away from me. The issue is Brian "confessing" to the supposed fact that he no longer is able to beat off to porn. And that when he did, he studied the male porn actors' faces. Now, calling feh on beating off to porn at all is patently ridiculous, especially if - and you'll pardon me for making crass generalizations and stereotyping - you hang on the internet. But hell, they could make a porn vid where the guys are wearing masks that look like my mother's face and I'd never know the goddamned difference. Maybe partially because my mother looks like a lumpy man, I don't know. But if Brian really is tired of beating off to porn, then - and I can only use myself as a measure - that motherfucker has beat off to some sizable amount of porn, knwhmsyn? No wonder he doesn't read books or see films, he's been pumping his monkey nearly nonstop for God knows how long (and even He doesn't want to admit it). Christ Brian, I hope you learned to switch hands at some point, otherwise I bet when you crack your wrist it sounds like a forty ought-six in a tiled bathroom.

[Gary Whitta]

Brian, you really should try to ration out your, um, "menage a moi" sessions. It's a little-known fact that men only get approximately one and a half buckets of semen to last them their whole life.

That's all I got, anyway.

[Mike Hussey]

There's a whole world of "gonzo" porn out there that might be exactly what you're looking for. May I suggest you start here:

www.cumfiesta.com


Fack no, you joke me.

[John Merva]

Don't make me post something from goatse man. Nobody wants that.

Don't push him Brian, he'll do it, he's kraaazy

[Joel]

"Tears In My Jizz, The Brian Koontz Story"

[Aszurom]

It reminds me of a dear toy I had as a child, one of my most prized posessions... Krusty the Sock Puppet.

[Dean]

I am Master of my Domain!!!!!!

[Funkman]

But are you Lord of the Manor?
King of the County?



ps. Despite this disturbing topic.. this thread is hilarious.

[Bullhajj]

I cannot believe there has been a porn thread in EE for days now and I have shown such heroic restraint. Make sure all your Christian fundamentalist friends have not floated up into the sky. This could be something big.

Brian, I just want to say that I will fight to the death to protect your anonymity while you look at porn on the Internet. Well, ok, not really to the death. I will be very critical of anyone who should call your family on the phone and tell them about th naughty bits in this thread.

[Brian Koontz]

It reminds me of a dear toy I had as a child, one of my most prized posessions... Krusty the Sock Puppet.

Did you do what your Mother told you and share your toys with the other children?

Choggle Socks!

[Bullhajj]

It reminds me of a dear toy I had as a child, one of my most prized posessions... Krusty the Sock Puppet.

Which reminds me of being in the Navy and cleaning the bilge of the submarine with a broomstick. Yuck!

[Bill Dungsroman]

It reminds me of a dear toy I had as a child, one of my most prized posessions... Krusty the Sock Puppet.

Which reminds me of being in the Navy and cleaning the bilge of the submarine with a broomstick. Yuck!

Thank you, Tim. I am now barfing.

[Jose Liz]

The issue is Brian "confessing" to the supposed fact that he no longer is able to beat off to porn. And that when he did, he studied the male porn actors' faces.

Despite the obvious disturbing nature of the act, this post is comedic genius.

[Old Man Gravy]

Fuckin A, cholo. I can't believe I missed this thing the first time around.

If there's one thing more disturbingly gut-busting than admitting you like looking at the guy's face, it's admitting, in a conversation about pron and crysturbation, that you've had the wherewithal to notice how much your mom resembles a lumpy man. Aw hell now I need a new adult diaper.