Zombie HQ cashes in on the zombie apocalypse

Posted by on July 18, 2012 in Reviews

Zombie IAP — oops, I mean Zombie HQ — is supposedly a twin-stick shooter/RPG that intends to cash in — quite literally — on the zombie apocalypse craze. But, you know, zombies. What am I doing to do, not try it?

After the jump, shambling stinking inevitability

Zombie HQ is built from a pretty rudimentary 3D engine. That’s the polite way to say it. There’s really no polite way to explain the controls, which involve sliding, tapping, sliding, and tapping. For easy missions, it doesn’t matter. For harder missions, you just sort of spazz out and hope for the best. Reloading your weapon either requires single-tapping an icon, double-tapping an icon, or fervently hoping. Usually a combination of the three. I’d have thought Space Miner solved the twin-stick shooter issue for iOS games by now, but apparently not.

However, the twin-stick zombie shootering is really just a formality. This “game” is more about waiting for your energy to build up so you can do more missions to earn more zombiebucks to buy the stuff that isn’t as good as the stuff you can buy with the coins that cost real world money. Zombie HQ will let you slowly grind away at its hundreds of buyable bits, but what it really wants is for you to microbuy improved charater stats, better weapons, costume pieces, and furniture for your eponymous zombie headquarters. To their credit, developer Rebellion knows how to thread all these systems neatly together into a steady dripfeed of minor rewards. But they’re mercenary enough to make sure it constantly pushes you towards buying something. It’s the shambling stinking inevitably of a free-to-play game.

For instance, the bonus missions are all about how long you’re willing to wait, which is like the difference between planting potatoes or strawberries in a Facebook game. Do you play more frequently and therefore grow potatoes? Or are you a once-a-day strawberry farmer? A good zombie game shouldn’t ask that question. A good zombie game should ask “shotgun or assault rifle?”. But Zombie HQ confronts you with the same decisions as any Farmville clone.

It’s telling that the first thing you see when you boot up Zombie HQ is an advertisement for something that isn’t Zombie HQ. See how this sets the tone.

It’s also telling that Zombie HQ is willing to accommodate even the most egregious whales.

And if you think you can just ignore this stuff and merrily shotgun a few zombies a day, just wait until you stumble onto the mandatory waiting period after buying a firearm. Here’s what happens when you buy a shotgun, for instance.

Although it’s technically not mandatory when you can buy your way around it. The bottom line is that Zombie HQ is not a game. It’s a shameless business model.

1 star
iOS

  • Pogue Mahone

    I know from experience there’s a pretty serious dearth of great zombie games on iOS. Just curious if you’ve played Zombie Gunship? It’s my favorite of the bunch, and it’s free!

  • tomchick

    Free, my foot! It’s 99 cents and has a whole mess of in-app purchases. No way, no how, nuh-uh!

    Well, let me download it just to be sure.

  • tomchick

    Okay, so thumbs up on the Zombie Gunship recommendation, although it’s a pretty “light” game. But I like how for 99 cents, they don’t constantly push you to microbuy new stuff. It seems entirely feasible to get through the content by actually playing the game.

    Thanks for the recommendation, Pogue. Please note I have already far surpassed you on the Zombie Gunship leaderboard. When last we met, you were the master. Now I’m the master.

    I was trying to quote Star Wars there. I’m not sure how well it worked out, but you get the idea.

  • Pogue Mahone

    Oh you bastard – I take it back, you need to unbuy that game. And also, uh … I am your father. So there.

  • http://www.facebook.com/david.ray.3154284 David Ray

    I played a game on a Kindle called I think Contract Killer: Zombies that seemed aight.

  • Ben

    You should of said your the Zombie Master… not just the Master.

  • Phil Jones

    Are you playing the right game here? It’s an excellent game with bags of potential. If this game was released on a platform such as xbox (Arcade) then it would be great. The whole game from building up your HQ to going out and getting survivors is great. Yes this game has a little way to go in terms of development and graphics but its a great game model which I think would be very succesfull should they decide to pursue and develop the game (which I hope they do!).

  • http://twitter.com/DillonAndStuff Dillon Moffett

    I liked some things you’ve criticized; for instance the waiting for a new weapon. It says Order, which makes sense, because if you buy a gun in a zombie apocalypse, you’re not going to get it in a drive-thru or something. It’s gonna take some time. I like that about this game.
    Plus. If you don’t suck at the game, it’s not hard to get more energy or gold. You sound like a winy little person stuck on level two. Man up, enjoy a challenge instead of complaining that a game doesn’t give you anything on a silver platter. Have you ever played a good console game? It takes some time on there too; think about it buddy.