On a moonlit night,
every thousand days,
the restless dead,
rise up to play.
They did not expect,
on this night though,
a fierce opponent,
of sauce, cheese and dough.
Thus begins the journey of pizza.
That’s probably the weirdest opening I’ve ever written, which fits because Pizza vs. Skeletons is one of the weirdest games I’ve ever played. Well, played and liked. I can think of several weirder, yet horrible, games.
After the jump, a culinary favorite declares war on the dead.
The bit of verse that accompanies the opening of this article is from the beginning of the game. These skeletons rise from their graves and wreak all manner of havoc. This will not do. Enter our hero: Pizza.
The gameplay is relatively simple, yet addictive. You tilt the device left or right to make pizza roll in that direction, crushing skeletons and saving the day. You will often need to tap the screen, which makes the pizza jump, to avoid damaging your delicious crust. You can then tap it again to send him hurtling to the ground, a sauce covered chariot of the gods.
The rounds start off with rolling over skeletons and avoiding damage. Damage comes in several forms, but early on it’s skeletons with spears that you have to crush in specific ways. The game then starts to switch things up. At one point you’re crushing skulls that are hidden in a makeshift stone structure. During the instruction screen, the game encourages you to crush skulls. The “skulls” is written above the original word, which has been scratched through. That word: pigs. All part of the games tongue in cheek sense of humor.
Other modes have you balance your character on a skull as you roll across hazards. Sometimes you have to rescue dogs. At the end of each group of levels, you’ll face a giant skull opponent. You have to push this skull off the side of a fiery chasm while avoiding the same fate.
The rounds are bite-sized, mostly playable in a minute or less. At the end of each round you gain stars based on different aspects of your performance. Then you spin the Wheel of Pizza. It’s pretty much what it sounds like. It’s a big Wheel of Fortune styled wheel made of pizza. On the wheel are varying change and dollar amounts you can win by spinning.
You spend any money you earn during the rounds to customize your avatar. For instance, you can texture the pizza to be furry and spotted like a leopard. There’s also other accessories such as masks to make your killing spree more delightful. I’m currently playing as the moon with crazy eyes and sharp, scary teeth. Oh, also a top hat.
I can’t think of a single downside to killing skeletons as a giant pizza, so I suggest you check this out. It’s on the App store in both paid and free versions. Viva la Pizza!