
Thor is what a pinball table would look like if the designer was getting paid by the color. It’s got ice, and mountains, and lava, and a green ramp, and a dragon, and a golden city. It’s like a D&D campaign colored by some kid who insists on using every crayon in the box.
Unlike the real Thor from the movie, this Thor is very florid, enthusiastic, and encouraging. He refuses to sit still. He jumps around a lot. He frequently makes observations like “mighty!”, “fantastic!”, “awesome!”, “amazing!”, and “fabulous!”. He’s the kind of guy you want as a workout partner. However, he’s constantly talking about how great Asgard is. “Among all nine worlds, Asgard reins supreme!” “Asgard, the golden realm!” “Behold the beauty of Asgard!” He sounds like a spokesperson for the Asgard Chamber of Commerce. “Asgard has affordable housing, quality schools, and a vibrant nightlife!”
But comic book silliness aside, I really like this table. It’s got a lot going on, but unlike something with a steep learning curve like Paranormal, you can very easily figure out some high scoring basics. Knock three times to open the city gates, shoot the ball up the rainbow bridge, and pick a battle. Thor jumps around and beats stuff up. Points ensue. Fabulous!
4 stars
Xbox 360

Coal Cart Calamity is too hard for me so far, which doesn’t bother me a whit. Judging by the comments and reviews, I’m not alone. I’m also not alone in loving it, as the level won this month’s Little Big Planet design contest (LBPC4). Dubbed Sackscience, the contest challenged designers to mess with the laws of physics in the LBP world, which I didn’t find out until after I played the level a few times but makes total sense. As I played it I couldn’t help but think of physics. Seriously. Me! So from that perspective, the entry is clearly a success.
I could explain all the things I love about it besides the lovely frustration it provides, but I think I’ll just say one word and let you discover the rest for yourself. When you do, get back here and tell me what to do with the coal-drop ramp thingy. It’s driving me crazy. For now, the one word I promised:
Magnets.
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Gorph. Sorry about that. I just took a big gulp of coke.
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The Ghost Rider table for Pinball FX 2, now available as part of the Marvel Vengeance and Virtue collection, features Tim Curry from Legend squatting in the middle of everything. It also features a plaque that reads “Lucifer’s stinkhole summons a villain when lit”. At least that’s what I keep reading when I see it out of the corner of my eye. It’s written in that unreadable gothic heavy metal font that usually says “black sabbath”, “dio”, or “schutzstaffel”.
What I like about this table is that it proves that you don’t need Nicolas Cage to make Ghost Rider ridiculous. He does that on his own just fine. He’s a flaming skull. Who rides a motorcycles. That’s about all I know. When I lose the ball and some woman tells me her grandfather would not be pleased, I have no idea what she’s going on about. Oh yeah, lady? Well why doesn’t he come down here and play the damn ball himself?
The press materials from Zen Studios claim that Ghost Rider is the ideal table for beginning players. I think that must be some kind of diabolical joke. On the left side of the table, Ghost Rider has not one, but two lanes that drain the ball. Sometimes Tim Curry actually picks up the ball, teases me with it, and the chucks it right down the middle. Furthermore, a big fat center ramp loves to make me think, “Hey, easy ramp shot!”, only to roll the ball back down the center of the table and right between my flippers. In fact, I like to call that ramp “Lucifer’s stinkhole”. Welcome to hell.
2 stars
Xbox 360