Gamespy has printed my field guide to Banoi fauna. Which is also a sort of advisory FAQ for anyone considering whether to travel to Banoi, the New Guinea island where Dead Island takes place. For instance:
Are my children in danger?
Despite what you may believe based on the 2010 promotional video for Dead Island, children on the island of Banoi are absolutely safe. You will not encounter any child zombies, even though they’re a fundamental part of zombie traditions ranging from 1968’s Night of the Living Dead to 2010’s The Walking Dead. Thanks to the diligent efforts of the ESRB, the zombie apocalypse will not affect anyone under the age of 18 in anything that isn’t called Dead Rising 2. And even then, it occurs tastefully off-screen.
You learn to listen for zombies. The walkers are the more lugubrious zombie noises, although you never know when they’re going to show up. Sometimes they stir awake at your feet. The infected are the more shrill zombie noises. They’re just yelling, really. Just someone yelling and running directly at you. You can always hear them coming. They’re the opposite of a surprise. They’re all, like, “Hey, I’m way over here and I’m on way so I’m going to give you plenty of advance notice to prepare the weapon of your choice and even to throw it at me if you’re so inclined!” If you want to illustrate the Doppler effect for someone, just drive past one of the infected.
So I’m scrounging around the streets of Moresby — this game is so very Fallout 3 — when I hear a walker. He’s close. Really close. I check the bodies at my feet. No movement. I look around the corner. Nothing. I check for nearby non-fake doors. Nope, all fake. It seems to be coming from behind a truck. I look all around the truck. No. I check in the cab. Nothing. It seems to be coming from inside the truck…
Ah, I finally notice what kind of truck it is. Audio bug? Joke? Vignette? Whatever the case, I certainly enjoyed it.
Welcome to the holidays. Your wallet is now officially under siege.
Dead Island is the only release this week that I’ve actually played for any meaningful length of time. The review is under embargo, but I think you know where I stand: in a puddle of blood, amid hacked-off zombie limbs, clutching one of those knives you use to cut down cane sugar, with a few of my friends at my side*.
But this week would still be a potentially dire wallet threat even if it weren’t for Techland’s zombie masterpiece. I really like the car-hopping conceit that Driver: San Francisco brings to multiplayer. Resistance 3 is out this week. Disgaea 4 (pictured). Space Marine. The Starfox remake for the Nintendo 3DS. The cute rock-rolling tower defense game Rock of Ages. The Xbox Live Arcade action RPG Crimson Alliance. Rise of Nightmares for your Kinect.
I’m sorry, I tried. I really tried. I tried to mention that last one with a straight face, but I just couldn’t.
* i.e. wandering away to look for loot, even though they know they’re just going to get jumped again
