Hey, look, it’s a Hulk movie (Incredible HULK! (FILM) by Arnieboy74). It can’t be any worse than that Ang Lee thing!
And sixty seconds later I’ve discovered that Little Big Planet is no The Movies. This might not be the best platform for machinima. All you get here is some rowdy Sack Boyz roughing up a David Banner Sack Boy, who then instantly transforms in a Hulk Sack Boy. The ne’er-do-wells run off and get in a car. The Hulk Sack Boy gives chase (pictured) and then throws the car into a wall. Cut to the thugs in jail and then David Banner Sack Boy smiles and walks off to some sort of instrumental music I’m pretty sure is from a superhero movie.
Yeah, cute, but it takes as long to download as it does to watch. However, you can then continue on to Arnieboy74’s Spiderman (FILM), which has much more action and drama. Plus it ends with a dance number. Also, I’m apparently very good at this level. With zero points, I’m tied for first place on the leaderboards.
Sybil Danning, who looks great for a 90-year-old, is running some sort of secret program to make a deadly H1N1 virus. People get kidnapped and infected to cultivate the virus, which is then studied by a crack team of scientists, who aren’t hip to the kidnapping part of the endeavor.
These scientists are played by the sorts of handsome young actors who pass for scientists these days. Remember when scientists used to look like the actors in The Thing or the original Andromeda Strain? They tended to look fifty, sleep-deprived, and intelligent.
Anyway, our young scientists are obliviously lunching in the break room when an abducted prostitute who’s been infected escapes from her cell. A freaky assassin dude with an accent and a blonde wig for no good reason* (pictured) gives chase. In an unintentionally hilarious scene, the prostitute bursts in on our young lunching scientists. When the assassin dude shows up, he shoots the escaped prostitute, which sprays blood on all the young scientists, putting them off their lunch and infecting them with a deadly strain of H1N1 virus. Oops. Sybil Danning orders the doors locked so they can be studied. Now they have three days to find a cure and hook up — there are couple of sex scenes — before they all succumb to the H1N1 virus, which apparently makes you bleed from your eyes and act kind of like a zombie.
For a far better movie about handsome young people dealing with a virus, I recommend Carriers, starring Chris Pine and Piper Perabo. No joke. That’s a great movie. Virus X, not so much.
* I blame Dan Brown for putting a deadly albino monk in DaVinci Code.
You remember Fracture, right? No? The Lucasarts shooter whose main selling point was a gun that either piled up or scooped out dirt? You remember that, don’t you? The developers at Point 1 are hard at work on Fear 3 and they’ve just released a bunch of screenshots in which…
…you will witness the evidence of what happens when a neighborhood family store is turned into a dark and twisted maze of psychically tortured homicidal maniacs.
I’m going to call it right now: the Pirates of the Caribbean Lego game will be better than the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Both will be out in May. I’m guessing one will actually be funny and charming. The other will be from a guy who mainly directs musicals.
That video is courtesy of the folks marketing Bulletstorm. Well played! But they didn’t just make a video. They made a playable parody called Duty Calls.
Duty Calls “features”:
1. Duty Vision ™ slows down the action so you can unload a storm of bullets
2. Immersive dialogue from the front lines
3. Cold, calculated realism
4. Killing animations motion captured from real actors
5. True-life reloading system allows for mistakes in putting the cartridge in the gun
6. Iconic sound effects
7. Thwart an enemy threat that could topple the country and possibly the world
8. Significant and historically accurate props
If you have it in you to play a parody game — I’ve had my fill after Matt Hazard and DeathSpank — you can download 800MBs of videogame parody here.
