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Two's Company
by Tom Chick
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December 30, 2000
"So what do you write about?" Trevor asks, peering in the empty
donut box to make sure it's empty.
"Just game stuff. You know, what we're playing and what we think
of it. What works and what doesn't."
"Well what are you gonna write about this week. There's no one else
here."
"That doesn't mean we can't have Shoot Club. We just have to find
games for two people."
"Games for two people. Man, that's lame. Like what, Go Fish?"
"No, like Unreal Tournament with bots."
"Yeah, I guess. Assault mode would be pretty cool, but we have to
watch the bot skill level. It's better if they're too hard than
too easy. We could play co-op against the bots."
"Exactly. Same with Quake III."
"Naw, it's not as good," Trevor says, "Not so many options for game
types. The weapons don't complement each other as well. In Unreal
Tournament, you would take the snot gun and I would take a ripper.
You'd cover the entrance with boogers and I'd fire the razor blades."
I'm always the guy who gets stuck with the snot gun. It's like being
the medic in Team Fortress or being in high school and having to
be the cleric in D&D. To get out of being Trevor's snot gun
wielding sidekick, I suggest something else: "Or we could each lead
a team of bots against each other. That would make for a great two
player game."
"We don't have to play an FPS," Trevor says, sounding out the acronym
for first person shooter: 'Eff Pee Ess'. "What about Diablo 2?"
Trevor is awful at Diablo 2. He wanders off by himself then complains
when he gets killed. "Where were you, dude?" he'll wail, "You were
supposed to be my back up. Can you get in there and kill those leaper
things around my body?"
"Just about any real time strategy game is good for two players,"
I suggest, again trying to avoid tagging along behind Trevor as
his bodyguard/sidekick. Trevor won't even share healing potions
until his inventory is full. "I found them first," he'll say, "You
snooze, you lose."
"An RTS, huh?" he considers. 'Are Tee Ess'. "But, you know, this
is Shoot Club, not Build Club or Drag Select Club."
"But there are different games with different modes to play. We
could play cooperative against the AI," I suggest, since Trevor
is also awful at real time strategy games, "since Starcraft's skirmish
AI is pretty tough."
"That's because it cheats. There's no way it could be that good.
Hey, did you know that they're going to nominate Starcraft for the
national sport of Korea. 70% of the people over there play Starcraft?"
"70%? I don't think it's that high."
"It is. I read that. Maybe we could play a more American Are Tee
Ess?"
"Red Alert 2?"
"That's too American. I was thinking AOE2." Ay Oh Ee Two. "There
are some good modes with the Conquerors add-on. Dibbs on the Spaniards.
Oh, hey, you know what?"
"What?"
"We should play Virtua Tennis while we decide."
Cont'd
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